PoorAss Hilton
(aka. Paris Hilton's Newest Fashion Accessory)

PerezHilton.com -- Now with 10% real content!

Monday, June 12, 2006


THIS JUST IN! BREAKING NEWS!  

Perez Hilton sucks balls, both literally and figuratively.

C'mon, Perez posts lame, sometimes made up shit as "Breaking News", why can't I? (although for the record, this news happens to be 100% true).

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   --




33 Comments:

At June 13, 2006 1:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the only post I've read on your site so far, and I can already tell that it's more factual then PerezHilton.com!

I agree 100% with this post!

 
At June 13, 2006 2:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think it would be possible for Perez to be any more gay.

 
At June 13, 2006 2:14 AM, Anonymous perezisafatloser said...

OMG!!!!

i just got here and i already love your fucking site!!

down with perez!

 
At June 13, 2006 2:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The only way Perez could get any gayer would be if he had sex with himself.

However, I don't think even Perez is THAT gay.

 
At June 13, 2006 2:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I ABSOLUTELY LVOE YOUR ABOUT ME PAGE

-----
Gender: female
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AND THAT'S ALL IT SAYS!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SO TRUE!

 
At June 13, 2006 2:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

an entire site dedicated to dissin' perez. i love it!

 
At June 13, 2006 2:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

and it doesn't take 15 years for your comment to post on this one!

 
At June 13, 2006 4:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I LOVE IT!

 
At June 13, 2006 5:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are pathetic

 
At June 13, 2006 5:34 AM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

Well DUH!

I'm trying to model my entire life after Perez, being pathetic comes with the territory.

 
At June 13, 2006 5:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You say you won't be updating every day because you have a life?!

Creating a blog mocking someone you hate does not really support your theory. Do you seriously have nothing better to do?!

I'd suggest you put your energy into something more worthwhile as this just makes you look pathetic. It's not funny, it's not clever, it's just pretty sad and screams jealousy. You'd be better off just forgetting his website exists, never visit it again and stop letting it bother you so much. Or do you think this blog will help you achieve the popularity you never got at school? Awww too bad.

Go outside - it's nice there, I promise. Then again, I'm sure Perez is grateful for the extra publicity you're giving him.

Verity

 
At June 13, 2006 6:29 AM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

Verity,

It's obvious that you have lots of man love for Perez, and I don't want to anger you any further (you know, a woman scorned and all), so I'll try to make this brief.

There's this thing called "technology" that lets you setup a site like this in 5 minutes. There are also browser add-ons that let you post to your site VERY QUICKLY (without these add-ons I never would've evern started this site). You can find out all about technology here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technology

And not once have I said I HATE Perez. I don't hate anyone. I just think he's a tool and his site's gone to crap lately. Judging from the comments on his site, I'm not the only one who feels this way.

".. and screams jealous"

Excuse me while I pick my ass up off the floor, as I just laughed it off. What should I be jealous about Verity? The white elvis jump suit? The diseases he gets from hanging around Parisite? OH! I know, I must be jealous of all his money? (considering I'm a 28 year old retired .com millionaire, I don't think that theory would work). So tell me Verity, what am I jealous of?

As for the school popularity thing, that was amusing as well. You have no idea who I am, and you couldn't be more wrong. Maybe you should stick to things you know, like man meat.

Oh, and what's all this extra publicity I'm giving Perez? HAHAHHA. This site is a piece of crap that might get 100 visitors total in its lifetime. If that helps Perez, then he's even more hurtin' then I thought.

Is there anything else you'd like to chat about Verity?

PS - You do realize that if you're back here reading these comments (I'm guessing waiting with baited breath for someone to acknowledge your existence, however meek is may be), then you, my friend, are rather pathetic yourself.

Well, I should get going here. I have a busy day of scratching my nuts and eating corn chips planned, so I should let you go hump your 9-5 so you can finally buy that newspaper you've been saving up for.

 
At June 13, 2006 7:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess we can both be pathetic together then :) Maybe we are made for each other?

I wouldn't say I have a lot of love for Perez but it annoys me how people have so much hatred for him, and not for other bloggers who do EXACTLY the same things as he does. I guess I'm just one of those people who's all about the love, you know? Peace and love, I think that about sums me up.

I love the way you drop in there that you're a millionaire. Do you want me to be impressed by that? You would think millionaires would have better things to do with their time - I don't know, like go yacht shopping or something - instead of arguing with someone like me, of such "meek existence".

I'm a 22 year old university student, no 9-5 for me - but surprisingly I've still managed to scrape together enough money to fund my studies, buy my own house, a car, travel the world - and I still have enough left over to buy a newspaper everyday. So you know, I don't think I'm doing too bad.

And so just as you say I have no idea who you are, you indeed, my friend, have no idea who I am either - so do take into account your own comments before firing them back at me.

Verity

PS. I have a busy day of sitting on my sofa watching the World Cup and planning my next holiday so maybe we can carry on this banter for the rest of the day... it appears neither of us have anything better to do.

PPS. Oh and "Parisite"? How long did it take you to think of that one?! That's hilarious - and SO clever!

 
At June 13, 2006 7:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This site is even worse than Perez's....wow...I feel geeky reading blogs, but a blog on another blog? Thats just waaaaay too nerdy for me. I'll take a little biased Perez over Star Trek conventions anyday. Have fun losers.

 
At June 13, 2006 7:34 AM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

Don't worry, I'll get back to shortly Verity, but I just had to respond to this last comment right away.

Don't ever, I mean EVER, think that I (a) would watch Star Trek or (b) would ever come within 100 kilometers (that's right, I'm Canadian bitch!) of a Star Trek convention without having the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Being subjected to the occasional original Star Trek because of my dad when I was younger was bad enough, there's no way I'd watch that show intentionally (either the original series or any one of the 15 billion offspring it's had over the years).

Star Trek is right up there with professional wrestling in the "things I would never watch unless someone had a gun pointed to my head" pile.

 
At June 13, 2006 8:16 AM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

As for you Verity... touché my friend, touché :)

I honestly wouldn't say I have a lot of hatred for Perez either. None in fact. It's more annoyance then anything. And if I knew of the other bloggers out there that are doing the exact same thing, maybe I'd be ragging on them instead, but I don't know who they are :P

Like I said, I never would've set this site up in the first place if it wasn't so incredibly easy to post to it. I can click on a page on Perez's site, choose "post", and that's pretty much all there is to it.

I stumbled upon Perez's site a couple months ago, but didn't start checking it on a regular basis until a few weeks back. I enjoyed some of the information, but other stuff was just annoying, and quite frankly, a waste of time to read (yes, like everything on this site. And if someone wants to start another site flaming ME, by all means! I'm sure I'd enjoy reading it with my morning coffee). It was mainly the misleading information that was starting to bug me (and the fact that he thinks everyone's gay so he posts random articles telling them to come out of the closet).

So, I'd been pondering setting up an anonymous blog for ranting about this and that for a while now (just to let off steam now and then, as a release), and Perez just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Plus he has so much freakin' material to rant about on his site :P

And congrats on your success with school, travelling, and all that other stuff. Really. I'm not here to hate (just rant now and then, that's all). You came and spoke your mind, so I spoke mine back, it's not like I sought you out to verbally abuse you or anything.

I didn't mean to mention the millionaire thing to brag or anything like that (in person I'm actually the most humble person you'll ever meet), but I was seriously trying to figure out what I would be jealous of Perez for. The first 3 things that popped into my head were (1) his awesome elvis suit, of course, (2) the fact that he knows Paris, and (3) the money he might be making from his site. But no, I could care less about any of those things. Although when I'm a fat, bald, divorced 40 year old man I might have to hook myself up with one of those suits.

I actually would like to sit here and play on this blog all day, now that I know what a source of entertainment it can be, hehe, but sadly, I do have plans in a few hours.

Talk to you soon Verity! :)

PS - Unfortunately I can't take credit for Parisite. I'm not sure where it originated, but I've seen many comment posters on Perez's site use it, and it just seems to work. That's why I didn't add it to the "Stupid words that Perez thinks are cool" thread, because I believe it's a lot better than ones like "Drunkst", "Maniston" and "SJPeePee", all of which just reek of Perez.

PPS - Ok, time to get back to the nut scratching and corn chip eating for a few more hours.

PPPS - Yipes, maybe I've been on Perez's site a little too much lately. I almost just said "toodles". (hangs head in shame)

 
At June 13, 2006 8:23 AM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

PPPPS - Oh yeah, and he's friends with Paris, how could I not rag on him for that?

 
At June 13, 2006 8:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I'm glad to hear you have plans - I am ashamed to say I do not as I had a bit of a hard night last night, so just more messing around on the net for me. Maybe I'll search out some other bloggers to annoy... that is of course until you get back. Don't worry, you'll always be my first. Alternatively I could exhert my energy into something more worthwhile...I could set up that site flaming you that you spoke about... :)

And as much of a hard ass that I try to come across as, I'm just a big softie really - so there was no intent to hate in my comments either. As I said - I'm all about peace and love, but you can't beat a good rant.

Oh and if you do ever want the white jacket you admire so much on Perez (you know you do) - just let me know, I'll drop by Topshop in London and pick one up for you. Yes... I'm from the UK. Congratulations, you have acheived international acclaim (or abuse...)

Enjoy the corn chips, nut scratching and Perez hating, I'll speak to you soon - no doubt on Perez's comment board because you know you can't stay away :)

Verity

 
At June 13, 2006 8:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perez is crap and pretend he has news that are interesting ?! He never got any photos (other blogs have them first) and he steals pics from others and pretend he is the first one.
This poor guy is just pathetic and he hopes to be a celebrity one day (a blog celeb)he is a pretty sad case !

 
At June 13, 2006 9:16 AM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

hahahaha, you're already my favorite poster by far Verity. I can't stop chuckling at some of the shit you said in that last message.

While I wait for my food to finish cooking here, I figured I'd get back to you on some of the stuff.

"I could set up that site flaming you that you spoke about... :)"

*single tear trickling down my face* You don't know what that would mean to me, hehe. All joking aside though, if you ever want to setup a blog I highly recommend getting Firefox and the "Performancing" extension. It seriously turns blog posting into a 5 second task.

"I'm all about peace and love, but you can't beat a good rant."

I'll drink to both of those! Although for the record, I keep my ranting to online message boards, donkeys that get lucky against me on Poker Stars, and now this blog! hehe

As for the jacket. I think I'd subject myself to a Star Trek marathon (or just kill myself) before I gave up and started wearing outfits like that :P

Ok, time to go eat some breakfast.

 
At June 13, 2006 9:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have set up a blog but I havent posted anything as yet (I also have Firefox and the perfomancing extension - waaaay ahead of ya ;) ). I will get round to it someday I guess. Should do really, being a trainee journalist and all...

And damn right I should be your favourite poster. Who gives you abuse better than me?!

Have a good breakfast, I'm going to go and eat my dinner. Toodles! ;)

 
At June 13, 2006 10:38 AM, Blogger Buttseks Hilton said...

Who said sucking balls was a bad thing? I like them with a little bit of salt & pepper on them.

 
At June 13, 2006 11:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

why do you guys sound like perez fans?

 
At June 14, 2006 3:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i feel really lame for actually reading all those comments. no more drugs

 
At June 14, 2006 5:44 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

"This site is a piece of crap that might get 100 visitors total in its lifetime."

Well shucks, I guess I stand corrected. There have been over 600 visitors in the past 15 hours alone.

 
At June 14, 2006 5:45 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

"i feel really lame for actually reading all those comments. no more drugs"

Drugs are bad, M'kay?

Oh who am I kidding. Only the hard drugs are bad.

 
At June 16, 2006 12:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh man this is so awesome!

 
At June 16, 2006 10:07 PM, Anonymous Sarah said...

I'm digging the site. Perez has become more of a whore to the celebs than a gossip blogger nowadays. He used to be all right, but now he cares more about getting into parties with celebs who are only nice to him because they don't want to be bashed on his site...which I guess also means, they are pretty pathetic to care what he says...no matter though!
Not a good idea to "claim" you are a millionare though, it makes your credibility of actually being one go down. Not many rich people (although a million isn't overly rich nowadays) brag about the fact they have money. Also, unfortunately, you are only making Perez more popular, well, not popular, but more well-known by making this site.
But regardless of anything I said above, I am glad someone is finally dissing Perez. So nice job!

 
At June 16, 2006 10:31 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

Sarah

"Perez has become more of a whore to the celebs than a gossip blogger nowadays."

More of a whore to celebs, or just more of a whore in general? hehe


"Not a good idea to "claim" you are a millionare though, it makes your credibility of actually being one go down."

It doesn't really matter to me if my credibilty of being a millionaire goes down by saying it. The only reason I said it in the first place was because I was responding to someone that was telling me that I was jealous of Perez, and I was just trying to think of some of the reasons I might be jealous of him.

Whether people believe me or not, I could really care less. It's not like it has any bearing on this site at all, and it's only mentioned in this one set of comments, which nobody is even going to read after the article's off the front page.


"Also, unfortunately, you are only making Perez more popular, well, not popular, but more well-known by making this site."

That's fine by me. As long as I spread the word about what a tool he is and how shitty his site's become, I'm a happy man.


"I am glad someone is finally dissing Perez. So nice job!"

Thanks! But to be fair, the people posting comments on his site have been dissin' him for quite some time now, hehe.

 
At June 17, 2006 8:17 AM, Blogger Anouka said...

Hi Anonymous. You write:
"I'm a 22 year old university student, no 9-5 for me - but surprisingly I've still managed to scrape together enough money to fund my studies, buy my own house, a car, travel the world - and I still have enough left over to buy a newspaper everyday. So you know, I don't think I'm doing too bad."

That's cute. The only way you're doing that is if it's other people paying your way for you; and/or you're getting paid in a non-traditional way (selling drugs, selling your body, selling credits on the online MMORPG of your choice). You are not doing all that on your own, so don't try to front, kiddo.

 
At June 17, 2006 7:16 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

^^^^^ - Verity, are you gonna take that? :P

 
At June 18, 2006 6:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boys boys... c'mon. Can't we all just get along?

 
At June 24, 2006 7:47 AM, Anonymous KBomb said...

Hi PAH-
I am glad that somebody did this, I have been mulling over the idea of starting a blog to muse over the antics of not only Perez, but all of these other people who clearly do not know what to do with their money.
Unfortunately, like a bad case of chicken pox that I keep scratching until I scab, I am addicted in a sick sort of way to Mario's site. Not because he has any "real" news (but again is gossip mongoring "news") but mostly because it is humourous to me.
Why is it humourous? Because he is SO full of himself no wonder he is as tubby as he is. Because I think that his tongue must have sores on it from all of that ass licking it does. Because it is sooo clear that the "celebrity" friends that he has just want good press. I haven't read any news on his site, that isn't offered on some other gossip sites first. The only firsts he posts are the ones where he is involved, and that isn't news, that is just some dude at a party showing pictures of himself with his "friends". Totally lame.
Still, like any addict, I keep going back to see what trash comes out of Marios mouth.
I might be jealous that Perez funds an apartment on each side of the country, however I wouldn't sell my soul to get that.
I don't like him or hate him. I just think that he thinks that he is way cooler than he actually is, and for some reason, that annoys me.The only original thing he has done is...hmmm....yea. I guess there isn't any originality.

 

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