PoorAss Hilton
(aka. Paris Hilton's Newest Fashion Accessory)

PerezHilton.com -- Now with 10% real content!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


Honestly, someone needs to put a sock in it.....  




Ugh. Mr.PeePee has bloated again. He linked an interview on his site to the blog "andPOP...pop culture with susbstance". Right there, I am curious about why they are featuring the Pretzle....where is the substance? But then again, when I think of pop, and I think annoying, inccesant subjects that neither have the staying power or the flavor of something with more longevity.

The title of the article is PerezHilton:Not just a Blogger (well at least they got that right - he is also a kiss ass, a wannabe, a posuer, an elvis impresonator, a liar, a thief, a lollipop head....) and here are some of the modest words straight from the horses mouth:

"Perez Hilton grabs my tape recorder and puts it close to his mouth."So you can get every juicy word I say," laughs Perez, lounging on a leather couch at the Drake Hotel in Toronto. "'Cause everything I have to say is soooo important. Everything!"

And the sad thing is that he and his minions probably actually believe this!

"At first when I would go to events and introduce myself as Perez Hilton I thought it was kind of lame, that I should just say I'm Mario. But now I'm like oh, fuck it. Perez created opportunity for me. There's nothing to be ashamed of, or embarrassed of and people like Perez. Some people hate him too, but who cares?" he laughs.

I bet he cares, if he didn't why would would those emails get written up and shown on Gawker?? Let's all admit what we know, he HATES it that people don't like him.

"Lindsay has dabbled in Kabbalah before," Perez chatters about gal-pal Lohan's latest friendship with Madonna. "Shit, I wouldn't mind being taken under Madonna's wing either. I would learn from Madonna. Madonna, make me your Kabbalah bitch. Just don't take my money. They want like 10 per cent of my income. I'm not giving you 10 per cent of my income. Shit, you should be happy I'm promoting your brand."

I am not even touching this one. To mess with the Madge even in jest just can't be smart....

"I'm serious about spinning. I want to learn to be a DJ. DJ Perezelle. I'm serious about that. I will do it when I come to Toronto, so people book me! Book me!"I really was talking to someone about DJ'ing," he claims. "So who knows? I don't really know how to DJ, but who cares, I'll learn on the job."

Laughable.

Pop Me! I am Mr.P's inflated head! (an interview with Jennifer Weatherhead)

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

     [ by Ms.PoorAssHilton, 6/27/2006   --




26 Comments:

At June 27, 2006 2:10 PM, Anonymous Tonya said...

First...

"I'm serious about spinning. I want to learn to be a DJ"

hahahahahaha, that's the funniest thing I have read all day.

Perez, a DJ? LOLOLOLOL

 
At June 27, 2006 2:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wanna see Madge tear him a new one ;)

perezhilton.com reeks

 
At June 27, 2006 7:09 PM, Anonymous life's a bitch and so am I said...

He needs a new job- the blogging thing isn't paying well, and he probably thinks if he spins he get free booze and coke while he works.

The sad thing is he really believes his own b.s. I smell fear.

 
At June 27, 2006 8:00 PM, Anonymous LV said...

First of all I want to give big ups to our lovely Ms. PoorAss Hilton, and want to tell her to enjoy the calm before the storm because this site will probably blow up for serious very soon. I know you can handle it Ms. PAH! We got your back.

As for Peerez and this quote from the andpop.com article

"I wanted it to come about, so I had a concept for a show and I auditioned production companies," he explains. "I met with people that did a bunch of reality shows, but I ended up going with this great production company called World of Wonder. They've done 'Show Biz Moms and Dads,' 'The Eyes of Tammy Faye,' 'Inside Deep Throat,' 'Party Monster,' so they do these cool, campy, queer, edgy, fun stuff."

World of Wonder is cool and campy, most def. The guys who run WOW, Randy Barbato and Fenton Bailey, may be "queer, edgy" and "fun," but they are not fools. They revealed the adorable side of Tammy Faye, yes, but they could just as handily reveal the sleazy side of Perez --best of all, by letting Perez indict himself with his own careless words.

WOW are serious documentarians. Perez is one foolish mofo to be so oblivious.

 
At June 27, 2006 8:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so confused as to why perez thinks madge should be 'happy he's pomoting her...' that's ridiculous. it's as if he's got some sort of idea that he's bigger than madonna. shyeah right, jackhole.

 
At June 27, 2006 8:31 PM, Blogger Ms.PoorAssHilton said...

Tonya said...

"hahahahahaha, that's the funniest thing I have read all day.
Perez, a DJ? LOLOLOLOL"


I had the exact same reaction when I read that, except I kind of threw up in my mouth a little bit. Just the idea of his big head waffled into headphones - spinning the best of the Village people, Paris's new crap, and Frostylock's / Gay Aiken's greatest hits...Oh man, I threw up a little bit again.

Anonymous said...

"I wanna see Madge tear him a new one ;)"

Our dear Material Girl knows much better than to address comments by a two bit player. I forcast that her best way to deal with a frenemy is to not give him the time of day. Please Mrs.Ritchie, don't tell me you will befriend the P for a little piece.

"life's a bitch and so am I...said"

"The sad thing is he really believes his own b.s.I smell fear."

Unfortunetely Mr.P's nostrils are so congested with who knows what is up there (the smell of ass?)that he probably couldn't smell the fear if it was standing in fron of him in all its gold lame suit glory.

Iv said...

"I know you can handle it Ms. PAH! We got your back."

I (unlike Pretzle) love a little confrontation, being the hot blooded latino that I am. I will hold my dictionary, my stellar vocabulary and my eduaction past 6th grade in my hands, as well as the legion of people out there who recognize that good press is so much more than perezzle press.

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

 
At June 27, 2006 8:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hah! Ms. PAH rocks!

 
At June 27, 2006 8:44 PM, Blogger Ms.PoorAssHilton said...

Okay, so my spelling was little off tonight, but I am not sure how to fix that. I assure you thatI won the spelling bee in 8th, 9th and 10th grades!

LOL.

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

 
At June 27, 2006 8:49 PM, Anonymous lv said...

Don't worry, girl -- your intelligence and fun nature shine right thru any typos. :)

I'm so excited for the future of this site now! Perez should send us a fruit basket just for considering him worthy of analysis.

 
At June 27, 2006 8:51 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

life's a bitch and so am I

"The sad thing is he really believes his own b.s. I smell fear."

Unfortunately, that's not fear you smell... *gag*

 
At June 27, 2006 9:21 PM, Anonymous Life's a bitch and so am I said...

Maybe it's pig play I smell? *hahahahhaha* I still want that explained to me.

Maybe Pereeezzzzle will Pig Play while he spins, that I would pay to see! *ahahhahahahaaha*

Ms Poorass rawks!

 
At June 27, 2006 9:30 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

^^^

"Maybe it's pig play I smell? *hahahahhaha* I still want that explained to me."

I think he just uses the term pig a lot so that when his potential sex buddies meet him they're prepared for Perez and his curly little tail.

Seriously though, this one's got me stumped too. Maybe it's because he squeals like a little piggy? Oh fuck, I didn't need that mental picture either. I'm my own worst enemy tonight.

 
At June 27, 2006 9:43 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

MPAH

Feisty, educated, hot blooded latino with a wicked tongue (no pun intended :P).... keep this up and I may try to make you Mrs. PoorAss Hilton ;) LOL!

 
At June 27, 2006 9:45 PM, Anonymous Life's a bitch and so am I said...

Oh GOD, I googled it. I... am... stunned...

I didn't think he/it could get any worse, but friends, it does... it really does.

*curls up in the fetal position*

 
At June 27, 2006 9:51 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

*shivering and rocking back and forth in his chair*

I'm never using google again... I'm never using google again... I'm never using google again...

 
At June 27, 2006 10:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG

 
At June 27, 2006 10:20 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

WOW! This stuff shows just how delusional Perez really is!

"I'm serious about spinning. I want to learn to be a DJ. DJ Perezelle. I'm serious about that. I will do it when I come to Toronto, so people book me! Book me!"

Perez will never, ever, ever, ever, EVER, DJ in Toronto. EVER! Unless it's as a cruel joke and someone let's him "try" it just so that they can laugh at him on the inside..


"I don't really know how to DJ, but who cares, I'll learn on the job."

It's not a summer-time job at the movie theatre you dipshit!

If you can successfully DJ even a house party for an entire evening Perez, I will personally come to your house, get down on my hands and knees, and lick that sweaty crack of yours!

Yes people, I realize what I just said. That's how much faith I have in Perez's coordination.

(Disclaimer: sweaty crack lickings will not be honoured)

 
At June 27, 2006 11:03 PM, Anonymous Snow White said...

Spinderella is taken so here are some alternatives for Piggezle:


DJ Mario Oink, DJ Pork Rinds, DJ Pigfeet, DJ Hamstah the gangstah, DJ Sweatglands, DJ Vulture ridden carrion, DJ Pear shaped body, DJ GAy, DJ Lancelovah, DJ Tard, DJ Brokeback brokeass, DJ Crackhead, DJ Poor Page Layout,DJ Bragger, DJ Couch surfer, DJ Ramen noodles, DJ Miss Pushy,DJ Chk Kyter, DJ shit talker,DJ Begs A Lot O Swag, DJ hanger on, DJ Unsexy...

... DJ Pig Play!!

 
At June 28, 2006 9:00 AM, Blogger Anouka said...

Madonna needs to be hit upside the head. That's a glimmer of the old Perez. He's being way, way too tame.

That Kabbalah shit Madonna is hooked up with is a cult, and no more real than Scientology or Raelian or the fads of the 70s the stars would get into to have a little grounding in their lives.

Perez needs to free himself from his Paris addiction.

 
At June 28, 2006 9:02 AM, Blogger Anouka said...

snow white, what's funny about the 'pig' shit is that, according to the faded youth site

http://fadedyouth.blogspot.com/2006/03/perez-hilton-is-new-clay-aiken.html

one of perez' interests is pigplay. is that also where some of the references everyone makes to 'piggyness' comes from, and not just his fluctuating weight?

 
At June 28, 2006 9:10 AM, Blogger Anouka said...

oops, life's a bitch and so am I already made the pigplay reference. i'm sorry, dude. i only read the fadedyouth comment today, while searching for the infamous 'perez nude' photos folks were saying were put up at ohnoyoudidn't. their setup is heinous, though. i didn't want to slog through all that. the livejournal community

http://talk.livedaily.com/showthread.php?t=535397

had a perez in black pants photo. he used to have a body on him. what happened? but no nudes, and no cock shot (the movie doesn't show anything, at least, not while i was fast forwarding it; i am not gonna sit through that. glad i didn't. I will say, for a Cuban, he comes off tres tres white in that video. reminded me of greg brady, to tell you the truth. just the mannerisms. this is a racist thing to say, but there's no latino to him. he's straight suburban white boy, circa the 70s. a little earnest, some natural leadership abilities, but still learning how to walk on his own feet and trying to find his way.)

oh, and pigplay, apparently, means 'reckless sex (often unprotected)'. that is nasty.

 
At June 28, 2006 4:02 PM, Blogger superherofan said...

Has anyone seen this link yet:

http://fadedyouth.blogspot.com/2006/06/perez-hilton-exposed.html

Perizzle truly EXPOSED! CHECK IT!

 
At June 28, 2006 7:59 PM, Anonymous Life's a bitch and so am I said...

The fade youth site has vitriolic hatred of all the Peerez. It's great, oddly now that I am looking around, which I never did before, there are krillions of blogging sites that hate him. He's truly one of the most hated people on the net.

It's interesting how many different stories are out there about what a loser chump he is.

I was censored on Pihizzles comments. *I guess I made him cwy*
So naturally I went by his joke of a forum. It's one cultish cow doing 95% of ALL the posts. Kind of freaky. Wanna bet she has a mullet?

 
At June 29, 2006 4:02 AM, Blogger Ms.PoorAssHilton said...

Life's a bitch and so am I said...

Are you a girl or a boy? I really need to know. But man oh man, you are SO funny. I love your posts, your handle, everything!

The fade youth site has vitriolic hatred of all the Peerez.

I know, it's a total gas right? I scanned their site all day yesterday, and realized...we are NOT alone.

Wanna bet she has a mullet?
I just about died. Whoever it is, she probably likes to piggy back AND eat the tacos.

I am gross. You get the idea.

LIABASAI - You RULE~~~

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

 
At June 29, 2006 6:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

" They've done 'Show Biz Moms and Dads,' 'The Eyes of Tammy Faye,' 'Inside Deep Throat,' 'Party Monster"

Am I the only one that's never heard of ANY of thse shows until now?

 
At July 01, 2006 7:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perez WANTS you to ring him up on the telephone!

M-a-r-i-o
A.
L-a-v-a-n-d-e-i-r-a

(also known as Perez)

lives at:

8215 WILLOUGHBY AV
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA 90046 (323) 822-0392

This may be outdated:

160 WAVERLY PL
NEW YORK, NY 10014
(212) 352-2033

Now that you have his phone number, call Perez and let him know what you think of:

-His outing other homosexuals
-His surly responses to fans
-His rapidly expanding waistline
-His self loathing
-Payola
-Paris "Herpes" Hilton
-His claims of heterosexual activity with Vanessa
-His fear of Tyson Beckford
-His legal difficulties regarding stolen checks

It's peppered to call Perez - call him tonight!

 

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