PoorAss Hilton
(aka. Paris Hilton's Newest Fashion Accessory)

PerezHilton.com -- Now with 10% real content!

Sunday, July 02, 2006


867-5309  

I don't really think calling him is going to get us anywhere, but let me know what happens if you do. Ha ha. I always like a good story!!

I have been in NYC, and had many adventures hanging out at some of the VERY spots the Pretz has, but of course I was NOT at Stereo on Friday night when he was, and clearly missed out on my opportunity to kiss his ass and post it all here. I was at the W hotel, having the time of my life with people other than MTV veejay's and what not. So...until next time.

Sorry folks, no time to really post this weekend. I must run, lots more to do!

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

     [ by Ms.PoorAssHilton, 7/02/2006   --




46 Comments:

At July 02, 2006 6:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

PHONE PEREZ - IT'S PEPPERED!

Perez WANTS you to ring him up on the telephone!

M-a-r-i-o
A.
L-a-v-a-n-d-e-i-r-a

(also known as Perez)

lives at:

8215 WILLOUGHBY AV
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA 90046 (323) 822-0392

This may be outdated:

160 WAVERLY PL
NEW YORK, NY 10014
(212) 352-2033

Now that you have his phone number, call Perez and let him know what you think of:

-His outing other homosexuals
-His surly responses to fans
-His rapidly expanding waistline
-His self loathing
-Payola
-Paris "Herpes" Hilton
-His claims of heterosexual activity with Vanessa
-His fear of Tyson Beckford
-His legal difficulties regarding stolen checks

It's peppered to call Perez - call him tonight!

July 01, 2006 7:20 PM

 
At July 02, 2006 6:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

MsPoorAssedCunt: have the fucking balls to print his real phone number.

 
At July 02, 2006 6:58 AM, Anonymous The Phantom said...

AHAHAHAHA - I think it's funny as shit that Perez is finally outted, given the large number of in the closet gays he's outted! Everyone needs to call and write him! Show him what the people behind his "900,000" hits per day can really do!

 
At July 02, 2006 7:02 AM, Anonymous Perez Pooftah Sucks My Balls said...

I disagree. Perez has been a class one asshole for so long that he deserves 900,000 crank calls, 9000 letters, and the like. He outs in the closet homosexuals, he abuses fans who email him, and he generally prances around like an arrogant ass. He deserves what he gets.

 
At July 02, 2006 8:47 AM, Anonymous Pig Play Perez Eats My Sbit said...

Amen. Fuck Perez. Who gives a fuck whether or not he's crank called in the middle of the night? Who gives a rats ass if his mailbox is filled with fan mail? Who cares if all of your readers forwards all of their junk mail to Perez? Who cares if 10,000 people put his number on auto redial so he can't get a moment's peace? Fuck the asswipe, I say. TRhe fat fuck deserves it

 
At July 02, 2006 8:49 AM, Anonymous lindsay morgan lohan said...

Ms. P, you're baaaack! You're developing quite a following of devotees sick 'n tired of Peretzle's shizzle. His recent posts are even more shameless and audacious than usual...and what up with his full on heterosexual "make out session" with that chick with the drawn-on eyebrows and the yellow teeth (yeah: I know, I know who she actually is)??

POOrez (yep, still trying to see if that'll catch on!...) really has become a caricature of himself. A joke crammed into maternity jeans. He's the punchline, he just doesn't get it...yet.

 
At July 02, 2006 5:06 PM, Anonymous Halo said...

This site and the many people who think POOrez(there, I used it) is wasting space is starting to take a hit on his site... not many comments on his website....

Ms.PAH have a great holidae.

 
At July 02, 2006 5:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This site is starting to get as lame and boring as his. Write something funny please. Thank you.

-The management.

 
At July 02, 2006 7:07 PM, Blogger Kontradiction said...

i just think it's so cool that ppl in the know have his phne number and addy and are posting it here. bravo, bravo!!

 
At July 02, 2006 10:45 PM, Anonymous The Insider said...

Everyone I know in NYC LOATHES Mario. (I refuse to call that fat fuck Perez). The only people who ever talk to that bovine bitch are clueless tourists and celeb/media people who are using him for free publicity. I'm not saying anything that isn't already well known but I just wanted to reiterate the point. Mario is a sick fuck and the only time he was actually slender was when he was a raging meth head and even then his bone structure was hideous.

I remember this one time at the Cuckoo Club @ Maritime he came up to me and my friends (won't mention names) and he was going on and on about this and that and as soon as he waddled off we started cracking the fuck up. I had no idea that a human being could have THAT bad of breath. It was as if our faces were going to melt off by his sick ass garlic-y smelling ass.

All in all he's a fucking JOKE and everyone knows it and makes fun of him behind his back. I mean...how could you not???

 
At July 02, 2006 11:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha it's so funny when people hate someone who is totally indifferent about them.

 
At July 02, 2006 11:35 PM, Anonymous Life's a bitch and so am I said...

haha it's so funny when people hate someone who is totally indifferent about them.

He's not in the least indifferent, he's desperate to look like he's legitimate and can move on to a job at a real media company. He needs the money.

Now people are becoming aware he doesn't have the hits he's been claiming, and most of the comments that he doesn't write are negative. His 15 minutes is coming to a close. He care a lot.

 
At July 03, 2006 12:46 AM, Blogger Bedazzler said...

"Tyson Beckford shows that his tongue is bigger than his tiny cock at a Vonage party in NYC club Aer on June 28th."

And with the usual childish scrawls of cum drips and "I LOVE COCK". That's just plain provocative and offensive, and I do not understand HOW he thinks that is OK to write that about anyone. He's got no shame.I hope Perez runs into Tyson some time soon, and gets his teeth knocked out. He deserves it for this post.

 
At July 03, 2006 12:51 AM, Blogger Bedazzler said...

Someone called him a "hippo"crite in comments - loves it!

 
At July 03, 2006 2:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where did you go???

Come back..LOVE YOUR SITE

 
At July 03, 2006 4:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mario cares deeply about his image or he wouldn't plaster those tacky pictures of him with celebs that secretly hate him every single day. Isn't this man over 30? Isn't it time to grow the fuck up? Why is he so obsessed with teenage girls? It's like he's perpetually stuck in high school mode. I guess he's trying to make up for all the kids who teased him in life.

 
At July 03, 2006 5:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought for a few days last week Marioioio was actually nice. Perhaps he was stoned, gotten laid, or read this blog.
But he's back to being a self absorbed prick, so the dope wore off and his sphincter healed.

 
At July 03, 2006 7:17 AM, Blogger Ms.PoorAssHilton said...

Anonymous said...
MsPoorAssedCunt: have the fucking balls to print his real phone number.

Hello Anpnymous,

We all know where I stand on people so unoriginal they can't even conjure enough brain power to come up with a good handle.

That said, how completely unoriginal for you to call me a cunt. I wish that I could say that offended me, but coming from someone that calls themselves anonymous...well being anonymous is soooo much worse than being a cunt.

anonymous:
Having no distinctive character or recognition factor

 
At July 03, 2006 8:18 AM, Anonymous lv said...

And with the usual childish scrawls of cum drips and "I LOVE COCK". That's just plain provocative and offensive, and I do not understand HOW he thinks that is OK to write that about anyone.

Yup, I agree completely. What I like best about Perez's latest act of assholishness is that in the Vanessa Minnillo item (which is gross, BTW, even by Perez standards) he says he's now about being more positive and spreading the love or some crap, two paragraps later he attacks Tyson and now he follows it up with an entire new item just to hate on Tyson some more. What a "hippo"crite.

 
At July 03, 2006 8:35 AM, Anonymous lindsay morgan lohan said...

"haha it's so funny when people hate someone who is totally indifferent about them. "

To me, that post is OBVIOUSLY written by Mario himself. This "hippo crite" (loves it!) is pathologically and compulsively obsessed with what we all think about him! Kudos for all the comments on his PerezHilton site yesterday - it seems we're starting to make a difference. And certainly, absolutely more traffic is heading this way. Mario: since you clearly read this site take a tip and stop being such a MEAN, self-absorbed dildo! We all came here to this site as an alternative b/c at one time we loved your site and respected what you were doing. Your petty wannabe antics of late have worn thin, and you are coming across as a MAJOR BIGOT. Not cool. Tres cowardly. Why not stick with what was working best? Then we wouldn't need a forum like this to complain and mourn what was once something brilliant and actually gave you the support and respect of your peers! Ken Paves and Vanessa Minillo are NOT your peers, Hun. You're a blogger and an Internet geek...just like us.

Can I git an Amen?

 
At July 03, 2006 8:56 AM, Anonymous Tiny said...

FYI - The LA number 323-822 has been changed.

I wonder how many pizza's where delivered to his house?

Lord knows know he probably ate all of them.

 
At July 03, 2006 12:05 PM, Anonymous Spermbreath Cunt said...

Okm, stupid bitch. Here's something for you to wrap your stinky cunt around:

Why are you too chickenshit to post Perez's address and phone number? Is it because you lack testicles? Is it because the herpes in your cunt is raging again? Or is it just because you're a shit for brains timid dumbass like Pig Party Perez?

If you want to run a site dissing Perez, have the balls to post his number so people will ratfuck the asshole. Otherwise, you are just another spermbreathed cunt.

 
At July 03, 2006 12:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

um, maybe she doesn't HAVE PigBoy's real phone number?

why don;t you just shut up. or if it's so freaking important to you, then YOU post it. it's already all over the comments and she didn't delete it, what more do you want.

 
At July 03, 2006 12:43 PM, Anonymous lindsay morgan lohan said...

Dear "spermbreath":

Please go away.

We don't want you here. Go be angry on Perezhilton.com where that kind of hostility is encouraged and welcomed.

Warm regards,
lml

 
At July 03, 2006 1:10 PM, Anonymous Life's a bitch and so am I said...

If you want to run a site dissing Perez, have the balls to post his number so people will ratfuck the asshole. Otherwise, you are just another spermbreathed cunt.

This might be a good time for you to put down the meth pipe, and get back on your regularly scheduled meds for that bipolar disorder.

It's the internet. Normal people realize this is the internet, normal people know that a FEDERAL LAW was passed a few months ago making it a CRIME to harass people offline for interfering with their lives.

Now your obvious instablity means anyone normal is not going to give you the information you desire, because frankly you are insane and thus not a good risk. So here's a suggestion, stalk ol' pig play on your own time and leave the rest of the normal people who understand this is the the internet and can function within those confines along, Okay porkchop?

 
At July 03, 2006 2:14 PM, Blogger Ms.PoorAssHilton said...

You guys are the BEST!

I will not delete most ignorant comments. They give us more for to laugh and make fun of.

That said, I do not have his phone number, and most likely would not post it if i did. I agree, it would be stinking hilarious, and cannot say that my friends and I wouldn't prank call him, but selling myself out like that, would be just like him licking everyone elses ass out there in Hollywood. Some things are fun and funny, some are just plain ignorant and rude.

BTW - I love you guys for sticking up for me, even if I have something to...let me see...wrap your stinky cunt around. I wonder if that person knows that a spermbreath means one thing and stink cunt means something else. I didn't realize the lengths that some would go to spread idiocy around the web. Oh well, another day in the life of an imbicile. (that is to you lml and liabasai)

Oh yes, and i am not a "stupid bitch" by any standards. I might be a captious bitch, or a dogmatic bitch, or hell i might even be a cantankerous bitch, but stupid bitch just does not apply. If you choose t his forum to unleash your ridiculous load, know that in the future i will delet your ass fater than i can say "derisory". Look it up BITCH!!!

Okay guys, working on a regular post. Please bear with me!!

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

 
At July 03, 2006 2:21 PM, Blogger Ms.PoorAssHilton said...

Damn!!! I hate when i ppost and don't use spell checker! I apologize for any mistakes I made in the previous post. My inner bitch was being insouciant.

I must not type faster than my brain allows!!

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

 
At July 03, 2006 3:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Spermbreath" was a little upset because he can't reach the height requirement for the rides at the local carny. In fact, his Daddy calls his Mommy that as a term of endearment.

 
At July 03, 2006 5:45 PM, Blogger George M. said...

Ms.:

I am thrilled with your site. I think you are doing a great public service in maintaining it.

To show my great appreciation for your efforts (and please pardon my language), may we meet so I can lap your pussy until you achieve multiple orgasms? I don't mean to imply that you can't find a man or woman to please your loins on your own, but everyone has one area of expertise and this is mine. To be specific, I am better than a lesbian at performing oral sex on women (I was trained by one), and I desperately want to taste your sweet nectar.

Hoping you will let me service you, I remain.

John Throbs

 
At July 03, 2006 5:47 PM, Anonymous Shittany Spears said...

I think "Spermbreathed Cunt" is Perez himself.

 
At July 03, 2006 7:22 PM, Anonymous Snow White said...

He's sure angry enough to be piggezzle, isn't he?

 
At July 03, 2006 8:22 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

"His "entries" are one to two poorly written sentences, with iditoic self references."

He sure has been doing a lot of that lately, hasn't he? I've never seen anyone namedrop themselves that much in my life. I think his ego's getting even more out of control lately with this reality tv BS.

 
At July 03, 2006 8:22 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

"His "entries" are one to two poorly written sentences, with iditoic self references."

He sure has been doing a lot of that lately, hasn't he? I've never seen anyone namedrop themselves that much in my life. I think his ego's getting even more out of control lately with this reality tv BS.

 
At July 03, 2006 8:50 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

"MsPoorAssedCunt: have the fucking balls to print his real phone number.

Dear Coward,

First, if she did have balls, I think that would be a cause for concern.

Second, why the hell are you so concerned about this in the first place? Are you sad that you couldn't call Perez and as him out for a little dinner, dancing and meth?

OH! I KNOW! You actually called the number didn't you?!! hahaha.. you lame piece of crap. You felt like such an idiot for calling a fake number from a SONG that you had to take it out on Mr. PoorAss... that's amusing.

 
At July 03, 2006 8:54 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

Perez Pooftah Sucks My Balls

"He outs in the closet homosexuals"

This is something I still just don't understand... you would think there would be some kind of an unspoken code about things like this. I'm sure he wouldn't like to be outted if he were still in the closet.

It also makes me wonder if the guy is really gay. Could it be a ploy so that he could get closer to girls that will give him dirt? I just find it odd that he throws around the term "fag" as an insult to straight people, as if being gay is a bad thing.

 
At July 03, 2006 8:58 PM, Anonymous . said...

PoorAss ... please stop being counterproductive

 
At July 03, 2006 9:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Ms. Poorass Hilton:

First: I apologize to you for my prior immature posts. My profanity was inexcusable, and I regret my immaturity in posting them. It will not recurr.

Second: I handed you Perez's home addresses and phone numbers on the preverbial silver platter. I remain disappointed you did not publish it. I think it bespeaks a lack of courage on your part.

I think you will agree that we have common objectives. Wide dissimination of Perez's home phone numbers and addresses would encourage your readers to: crank call him; order pizzas, cheeesburgers, and super sized orders of french fries to his home in bulk; order gay escorts to his home; mail him their worn out shoes and dirty underwear; and the like - all of which might very well modify his puerile behavior. As far as justification for this act, consider that he routinely outs in the closet homosexuals and is routine rude to readers who bother to email him. He needs to reap what he sows.

Third: To Mr. Poorass Hilton, a few points. I am not homosexual and have absolutely no interest in any social interaction at all with Pig Party Perez. Among other things, I hear his breath is atrocious and he suffers from bad body odor and bromodrosis. Second, inasmuch as I took the initiative to call LA information to get Perez's home number, it is unlikely that I dialed a phone number from a song by accident. So much for your deductive reasoning skills.

With respect and love, I remain Anonymous.

 
At July 03, 2006 9:08 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

"PoorAss ... please stop being counterproductive"

What exactly are you talking about?

 
At July 03, 2006 9:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

IT'S PEPPERED TO ORDER PEREZ A PIZZA!

Perez is in Manhattan, and he has run out of money. He's been up all night and day smoking meth he bought on Washington Square Park, and he is ravenous.

Perez needs our help. Perez has given all of us entertainment; now it is time for us to return the favor. Please order deliveries pizzas (extra cheese and extra pepperoni), cheeesburgers, and super sized orders of french fries to his Manhatan home in bulk. Feel free to order gay escorts to his door.

With your help, we can all HELP PEREZ! IT's PEPPERED!

M-a-r-i-o
A.
L-a-v-a-n-d-e-i-r-a

(also known as Perez)

lives at:

160 WAVERLY PL
NEW YORK, NY 10014
(212) 352-2033

He also lives at:

8215 WILLOUGHBY AV
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA 90046
(323) 822-0392

Remember - you can make a difference.

IT'S PEPPERED TO ORDER PEREZ A PIZZA!

 
At July 03, 2006 9:21 PM, Anonymous Mr. Bonghit said...

You mean, it's peppered to order Perez a pepperoni pizza!

 
At July 03, 2006 11:12 PM, Anonymous Mario Lavandeira said...

Dear Ms. Poorass Hilton:

I sit here in my one room Manhattan apartment, all alone, in pain. Last night, I went to a gay bathhouse on Wall Street - The Wall Street Sauna to be exact - to get some action. It is the typical deal - you rent a room with a single bed in it, you lay there ass up with an open can of Crisco and poppers on the bedside table, and you take on all comers. Well, it took SEVEN HOURS for someone to come by to pack my fudge, and only then after I started smoking meth. He was too big, and boy did he rip me up! It was painful, let me tell you.

I got home and rubbed some ambelsol on my anus and 'roids to sooth them, and tried to sleep all afternoon. The phone kept ringing with crank callers, so I put it off the hook. Then, the pizzas started arriving. Delivery after delivery of pizza, all with extra cheese, pepperoni, and onions, and none of the delivery boys would believe that it was all a prank being played on me, and I had to buy them all after they threatened to beat my ass.

Finally, I got to sleep. When I woke up, I ate five of the pizzas. They were cold, but pretty good. Then my stomach started hurting, so I lay down to rest. Acid started to rush up my throat, burning it, and into my nose, burning my nostrils. I had to take three Nexiums before the acid would stop coming up my windpipe to my nose.

Unfortunately, that many Nexiums impacts me, and I had five pizzas I had to expell, so I bloated up like a led zeppelin. Then the parasites started to kick in. I must have gotten parasides from the guy who fucked me last night, because all of the sudden my colon started screaming in pain and blood started to dribble from my anus.

So here I am, five pepperoni and onion pizzas in my colon and parasides attacking my intestinal walls. My 'roids itch. Since I'm so fat, it is hard to reach to wipe well unless I am feeling very limber which I never am after smoking meth, so my butt is greasy with Crisco, semen and dingleberries and I have skidmarks in my underwear and pants. Every time I put the phone on the hook it rings and rings, so I can't use the phone to call my doctor. Understand that I can't walk because of the pain and the assblood, so I can't walk outside and use a public telephone or catch a cab to the emergency room. And to top it all off, more pizza deliveries started coming.

So, since I am broke and can't pay for any more pizzas, I've been sitting here pretending I'm not home and I am smoking meth to forget about all of this. I am wasted, speeding, itching, bleeding, and stuffed like a pig. And acid is coming up my throat into my nose again, and I ran out of Nexium.

I now realize that I must have been a real asshole with my blog for people to put me into this situation. Yes, if people emailed me I was rude to them - I figured with so many readers I could do without a few of the jerks. I outed a few in the closet celebrities, and personally I think one of them posted my phone number and address and I must tell you that payback is a BITCH! Yes, I did take money from record companies to plug crappy records. Yes, I did bully PR firms with bad press to get them to let me into their events. You call me a self-loathing homosexual? Guilty as charged. You'd hate to be gay too if you couldn't get laid, and got parasites whenever you did! You can't imagine the diseases I get whenever I get sex - anal herpes, parasites, gonorrhea of the anus, 'roids, etc. etc. I spend a week puking and shitting after every time I get plugged.

And now I read your blog, and realize that by your count, there are at least 10,000 people who just hate me, who just despise me, who make fun of me on this very public blog. As I read the comments, it all makes sense to me too. I've been a real asshole, and now I'm getting called on it.

So, I apologize. I am sorry. I won't do it again. All I wanted to do was make a living and get laid. Please forgive me.

And stop sending me pizzas.

Mario Lavandeira

AKA Perez Hilton

 
At July 04, 2006 8:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What exactly are you talking about?

PoorAss ... please stop playing dumb.

 
At July 05, 2006 6:31 PM, Blogger Kontradiction said...

OKAY...DID ANYONE CALL PRETZLE? AND IF SO, WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED??

 
At July 06, 2006 9:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm dissapointed you decided to print his number ms poorass!! which encourages peeps to call and become like him.

this is exactely the kind of tactics we're decrying about him (outing, leeching, intimidation etc), and i`ve hoped this site was about elevating ourselves above it all.

I hope this will just be an error of judgement along the way, let`s keep it to getting people to "think" and express themselves about him.

 
At July 06, 2006 10:03 AM, Blogger Ms.PoorAssHilton said...

Hmm, Anonymous - I don't have Pretzles number, and if I did I wouldn't post it, but I might prank it.

(from my previous post:
That said, I do not have his phone number, and most likely would not post it if i did. I agree, it would be stinking hilarious, and cannot say that my friends and I wouldn't prank call him, but selling myself out like that, would be just like him licking everyone elses ass out there in Hollywood. Some things are fun and funny, some are just plain ignorant and rude.


You must be young. And I don't say that in a degrading way. But anyone near my age would know what that number was.(867-5309) It's not P's number. It's Jenny's number. Evidently Jenny knows how to party.

 
At July 08, 2006 9:32 PM, Blogger dreamingofdavey said...

I miss so much when I go away :P

 

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