PoorAss Hilton
(aka. Paris Hilton's Newest Fashion Accessory)

PerezHilton.com -- Now with 10% real content!

Thursday, June 29, 2006


Quick Bitchings, By PoorAss Hilton  

I've tried. I've really, really tried. But Perez is just too much of an idiot for me to not say something about these posts.

"Superman Is Not Gay, Y'all!"

Just when you thought Perez's photoshopping couldn't get any more juvenile, he finds a way. I think he's trying to live out his GILF fantasies through others now.

"LongHOria By The Pool"

Perez, if this is what you call a huge ass, what the hell is yours? Is there even a word in the english language to describe something as monstrous as your flabby, cottage cheese infested rump?

"I'm Fired. Now Let's Go Eat!!!!"

We've already heard way too much about Star Jones lately Perez, why do you have to make up articles on her just to say something new? No no, you're right, those two swines are chowin' down on, oh, what is that stuff called... WATER!

There isn't a single crumb of food in that goddamn picture.

"Fill In The Blank"

Star magazine editorial director Bonnie Fuller is really hot, IF she was an ACTUAL celebrity and anyone gave two shits.

"Lindsay Wants To Get Dirrty"

WOW! Lindsay must have given you an extra big bonus this week Perez, otherwise you would have used this pic or this pic.

Any other celebrity (except Parisite) and you would've been talking about how "shiteous" they look, but for Lindsay you comment on her lipstick.

Douchebag.

"Tommy Lee And Josh Duhamel Get Into A Girlfight!"

Perez, you're such a fuckin' moron sometimes that you hurt my head.

Tommy's not even looking in that direction, so why photoshop an arrow in there? (and PS, we've all seen Pam's tits, you don't need to point them out to us).

And not only is your photoshopping ridiculously stupid, but you can't even SPELL! (but really, should that surprise me at this point?) What the hell does "fucke" mean you blithering idiot?

"That's So Wrong!"

OMG Perez! Do you really have the audacity to judge others on the way they dress? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'd rather see Raven in this dress then you in that hideous 50s diner outfit you were wearing on MOD.

You're a walking disaster. Clean yourself up and lose a few (hundred) pounds before you rag on the way others dress.

PS - Perez, I think you need to seek counselling for your Star Jones fetish. Do you even realize how many posts you've made about her lately? WHO CARES?!?!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/29/2006   --




50 Comments:

At June 29, 2006 7:53 PM, Anonymous tonya said...

First y'all!!!


When I clicked on Perez's site, a message box popped up and said my computer had been attacked by some sh*t, but my firewall had repelled it. WTF? Now his site is infested? Thank GOD I have a firewall.

Effin' idiot w/ an effed up site!

 
At June 29, 2006 7:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should be made of his bombastic headlines which are all in the same style

"Britney is trash!"
"Babs is over!"
"Janet is a Ho!"
"Star On Larry King: Yes, I Had "The Surgery" Fuckers!"
"Bitch is Ugly!"
"That's So Wrong!

I've never seen anyone overuse exclamation marks as much since Shania Twain ("Down! down! down! can only go down from heeere!")

 
At June 29, 2006 7:56 PM, Anonymous second said...

damn you! i run to answer the phone and i come back to you beating me at being first! i didn't think someone else would be here THAT quickly, LOL!

 
At June 29, 2006 7:57 PM, Anonymous third, not second said...

THIRD! I got THIRD! Not EVEN second? Do you people LIVE on this site??? LOL! (again)

 
At June 29, 2006 7:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

More, more more of these posts, please! Loves me some.

 
At June 29, 2006 8:04 PM, Anonymous perez tries WAY too hard said...

I find it amazing that so much stupidity and ass kissing can come from one "man"

 
At June 29, 2006 8:05 PM, Anonymous slippery fingers said...

7:55 PM

*i meant you should do a parody of his headlines

 
At June 29, 2006 8:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I AM SO GLAD I FINALLY DECIDED TO CHECK THIS SITE OUT!!!

 
At June 29, 2006 8:11 PM, Anonymous petrucchio said...

You're hilarious, and so observant. I noticed every single thing that you noticed. We're such petty, petty people, you and I.

 
At June 29, 2006 9:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just love this petty stuff! Makes me giggle.

 
At June 29, 2006 9:05 PM, Blogger Bedazzler said...

Do you think some Crabs tried to fly out of his site and attack you Tonya?
---------------------------------------------
THE TRUTH ABOUT PEREZ HILTON
TWO INTERVIEWS UP
http://lemaisondebrandon.blogspot.com/
Brandon's NO1 fansite on the NETTE!
---------------------------------------------

 
At June 29, 2006 9:11 PM, Anonymous Cat said...

That douchebag stole the Raven pic from the Fug Girls, who posted it two weeks ago:

http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/2006/06/thats_so_fugly.html

 
At June 29, 2006 9:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

YESSSSSSS! This is the stuff I was talking about! I love it!

 
At June 29, 2006 9:29 PM, Anonymous Life's a bitch and so am I said...

I can't even begin to think why a man who's semi literate has gotten so much attention. His old six six six site was funny because he was so queeny about it all, that it was funny to laugh at him.

He's just so unctious now, he's a posuer to the nth degree.

On another note... does anyone else think it's odd Linday Lohan looks like she's 40 years old? She's rockin' the neck lines and crow's feet. I guess that alcohol, cocaine diet isn't working out so well for her. Eeepers!

Wishing Perezzits goes out and rips the ass out of his pants, just for shits and giggles. Don't look at me, it could very well happen

 
At June 30, 2006 12:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Add delusional.

He was bragging about getting a lot of hits on Tuesday. When I reminded him that Tuesday was the day that his manhunt profile was posted on a bunch of sites and that was a big reason for his surge in hits, he deleted my comment. If he only had the balls to stand by his behavior. I shouldn't be surprised, he hasn't been even able to see his balls these last two years.

 
At June 30, 2006 1:05 AM, Anonymous funnybits said...

I stopped reading his site way back when he fought with trent from pink. perez is a hideous excuse. he's such an asskisser...i only went to his site today because a mis-informed friend directed me there...she must be taught a lesson now.

good job on this site...i love it!

 
At June 30, 2006 1:44 AM, Blogger Bedazzler said...

What was the fight with Trent? I don't remember it. There are funnier gossip blogs around, but I like Trent because he proves that you don't have to be a total asshole to run a funny gossip blog.

---------------------------------------------
THE TRUTH ABOUT PEREZ HILTON
TWO INTERVIEWS UP
http://lemaisondebrandon.blogspot.com/
Brandon's NO1 fansite on the NETTE!
---------------------------------------------

 
At June 30, 2006 5:10 AM, Blogger Lolita said...

Hey, I've got some pics of Perez on my site, nasty ones, I thought you might like to use.

 
At June 30, 2006 10:58 AM, Anonymous Jessica said...

I really cannot believe that even the people on this site do the "first" posts. Gimme a break... you are supposed to post a COMMENT!

Well, I am glad that I found a site that thinks perez is as greasy as I think he is. Very good site, I'll visit this one more often!

 
At June 30, 2006 1:15 PM, Anonymous bleach my eyeballs please said...

tonya:

"When I clicked on Perez's site, a message box popped up and said my computer had been attacked by some sh*t, but my firewall had repelled it. WTF? Now his site is infested? Thank GOD I have a firewall."



I'll bet it was Parasite's crabs.

 
At June 30, 2006 1:20 PM, Anonymous Life's a bitch and so am I said...

***
Ahhh, typical Perez. There's some negative gossip about Lindsay Lohan being a beotch to her stylist making the rounds today, but of course there's no mention of it anywhere on Perez's site. *****************

You know, he's so insignificant that neither she, her publicist or the stylist bothers issuing a denial. He knows they won't bother so he can pretty much do what he wants because he's the human version of a gnat on the ass of mankind.

 
At June 30, 2006 2:18 PM, Anonymous tonya said...

Bedazzler &
bleach my eyeballs please....

I am thinking it has to be his crabs. They are trying to infest me! Or my computer rather! Gross!!!!

And to respond to
"Jessica said...
I really cannot believe that even the people on this site do the "first" posts. Gimme a break... you are supposed to post a COMMENT!"

Um, I posted first, so by God I can claim FIRST. Don't be jealous b/c you weren't first, OKAY? And if you will LOOK at my post, after posting the word "first" I then went on the MAKE A COMMENT. If you would READ, you'd know that.

Get over yourself.

 
At June 30, 2006 2:32 PM, Blogger Brandon said...

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGgg when will you report on Mario missing his flight??!?!?!/1 OMG I'm dying here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 
At June 30, 2006 7:37 PM, Anonymous Nicole R. said...

Perez should get over himself, I´m so sick of him. I wonder if Paris Herpes will be tired of him soon, so he can be history, I mean she could get another gay blogger that kisses her ass and doesn´t stink as much as Perez.

 
At June 30, 2006 8:43 PM, Anonymous lindsay morgan lohan said...

'Tis Friday eve...Wherefore art thou, Ms. PAH??...

 
At June 30, 2006 8:55 PM, Blogger superherofan said...

Did I miss the "ON VACATION" sign?

Do we a backup to the backup! I'm having DT's here!

 
At June 30, 2006 11:35 PM, Anonymous bleach my eyeballs please said...

Is someone getting snitty?

"PerezHilton.com

Hollywood's Most Hated Web Site!

Thank You for Commenting

Your comment has been received. To protect against malicious comments, I have enabled a feature that allows your comments to be held for approval the first time you post a comment. I'll approve your comment when convenient; there is no need to re-post your comment."

I have this weird feeling that my comment will never appear.

 
At July 01, 2006 4:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://entrylevelheiress.typepad.com/entrylevelheiress/2006/06/ate_too_much_pe.html

 
At July 01, 2006 5:02 AM, Anonymous Life's a bitch and so am I said...

My comments don't get published now either. Please note:

Now on most article comments, there are less than 50 of them. I was correct, without the negative or dups NOBODY CARES about poor pig play.

Let's hope this place caught on, and his reign of idiocy will soon be over. If the Canadians would ignore Piggezzle, his "career" would be over in weeks.

Paris seeems to be avoiding him, but nicely so he doesn't attack her. That didn't take long!*that's sexy" I wonder if he'll threaten her like he did the P.R. guy if she won't be seen in public with him?

 
At July 01, 2006 9:59 AM, Anonymous lv said...

I forget which thread here mentioned Perez's predjudiced tendencies, but I have to say that the comments section for his Janet Jackson item today (at perezhilton.com!) is just appalling. It's overrun with racist assholes saying really horrible things.

You'd think Peerez would drag his fat, hungover ass out of bed already to delete these hateful comments against his beloved Janet, but I guess that's too much to ask of someone who worships at the abnormally large, gnarled feet of Paris "N Word" Hilton. Fucking degenerates.

 
At July 01, 2006 1:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

CALL PEREZ TONIGHT!

Perez's real name is Mario A.Lavandeira, and here's his address and phone number:

8215 WILLOUGHBY AV
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA 90046
(323) 822-0392

 
At July 01, 2006 2:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As much as I dislike Perez, I don't think passing that info around or prank calling him is right. And to visit his address is beyond the pale. It's one thing to pass around the naked pix that he himself put on the web, but this is his HOME we're talking about.

I don't know, I don't mean to sound like a pollyanna, but I don't think this type of behavior should be encouraged. Of course, Perez put the personal info of one of his spammers up on HIS site once, so in a way he is no better.

Ugh, I don't know. As much fun as raggin' on him is, I might just stop going to his site altogether, because so many things about it give me the creeps.

 
At July 01, 2006 5:46 PM, Anonymous Life's a bitch and so am I said...

He is creepy isn't he? Well I wouldn't bother calling him, I think most of the people posting here wouldn't either. Who'd waste their time?

Now he's saying he was nearly in a fight with Taye Diggs, Puleeze... I think if he had the chance to roll around on a dirty floor with Taye he'd be all over that shit, snorting a rutting! Anyway he's lame and he's in his glory when he can name drop people he sees out in a club who won't acknowledge he's even alive.

He's full of drivel.

 
At July 01, 2006 5:47 PM, Anonymous Life's a bitch and so am I said...

Where are the poorasses? There's gold on that site that needs flaming! Chop Chop, kids!

 
At July 01, 2006 7:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perez WANTS you to ring him up on the telephone!

M-a-r-i-o
A.
L-a-v-a-n-d-e-i-r-a

(also known as Perez)

lives at:

8215 WILLOUGHBY AV
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA 90046 (323) 822-0392

This may be outdated:

160 WAVERLY PL
NEW YORK, NY 10014
(212) 352-2033

Now that you have his phone number, call Perez and let him know what you think of:

-His outing other homosexuals
-His surly responses to fans
-His rapidly expanding waistline
-His self loathing
-Payola
-Paris "Herpes" Hilton
-His claims of heterosexual activity with Vanessa
-His fear of Tyson Beckford
-His legal difficulties regarding stolen checks

It's peppered to call Perez - call him tonight!

 
At July 01, 2006 7:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The asswipe outs homos, serves him right to be outted himself

 
At July 01, 2006 8:41 PM, Anonymous Life's a bitch and so am I said...

Look calling him only makes the dialer as slimey as Piggizzle is. Vent here or elsewhere on the net. For the most part nobody can comment on Perezhilton anymore because he's is moderating comments, so unless you are a racist, your comments about him aren't going up there.

As for outing people, why not confront him when he's out in public? He's a regular WeHo cruiser - all it takes is his own community to ostracize him for what he's doing. If the gay community won't or can't exact a punishment in Hollywood, then they are pretty weak and self loathing as well. He deserves a public humilation. Not a bunch of idiotic hangup calls.

 
At July 01, 2006 11:15 PM, Anonymous Snow White said...

This was the best comment from the Pajiba blog, which is great! Dustin wrote a review of Perez H's site.

Posted by: landy at February 17, 2006 06:38 AM

Oh come on now, give the boy a break. If you had as much fluid pressing on your brain as Perez obviously does, you’d do and say some strange things yourself. I mean just look at him. He gives all self respecting hydrocephalics a bad name. It has got to be hell trying to balance that incredibly huge cranium on those shoulders 24/7. And then he’s got those Clydesdale teeth to deal with. Frankly, he looks like a cross between Bessie the mule and Mama Cass.

 
At July 02, 2006 11:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

and you're too much of an idiot to just STOP READING PEREZ'S WEBSITE

the solution is so simple really. your stupidity is almost overwhelming.

 
At July 03, 2006 2:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

He ass kisses so many..

love this site..keep it going!!!!

Love Tom Jones

 
At July 03, 2006 8:34 AM, Anonymous lv said...

I don't think someone is an idiot to keep visiting Perez's site even though they hate it. It's like watching a slow-motion trainwreck.

I realize I add to his hits when I go there, although I never click on any ads and couldn't even tell you who any of his advertisers are (Ben Sherman maybe? I know Peerez likes to sport their free shirts three sizes too small). But I don't care. The chaos that is perezhilton.com is just too entertaining.

I also like to read his comments because people really hate that fat bastard and some of that shit is hilarious. I also like to see how many permutations of "why do u come here if you hate it, haterz?" that Perez and his mentally challenged minions can come up with.

 
At July 03, 2006 8:10 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

"He was bragging about getting a lot of hits on Tuesday. When I reminded him that Tuesday was the day that his manhunt profile was posted on a bunch of sites and that was a big reason for his surge in hits"

That's what I love about Perez, he likes to brag but doesn't give the REAL story. Or like when he rags on celebrities but then doesn't post a retraction when he's wrong. He only likes to present HIS side of the story (which is never the whole story).

 
At July 03, 2006 8:25 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

"OMGGGGGGGGGGGGgg when will you report on Mario missing his flight??!?!?!/1 OMG I'm dying here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1"

I wonder what did it... the constantly having to stop and scratch his rash, or the fact that waddling to a plane takes longer then running.

 
At July 03, 2006 8:28 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

Nicole R.

"I wonder if Paris Herpes will be tired of him soon, so he can be history,"

Oh I'm pretty sure he's eventually going to wear out his welcome. After all, he's bascially her new chihuahua, just a fashion accessory for her, so after he shits all over her carpet I'm sure she'll kick him to the curb.

Either that or she'll realize that his site is turning into a complete piece of garbage and she no longer has to remain friends with him to get favorable posts about her.

 
At July 03, 2006 8:32 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

bleach my eyeballs please

I love the fact that your first comment on there was held for "approval". I guess he realized that 99% of the comments on his site were bitching calling him a loser, so he had to offset the balance a bit by declining some negative posts.

I think that's why the number of comments on his site have plummetted, he's deleting a lot of the bad ones because he doesn't want his readers and advertisers to know the real perez, and that his readers are getting extremely tired of his crap.

 
At July 03, 2006 8:37 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

Life's a bitch and so am I

"I wonder if he'll threaten her like he did the P.R. guy if she won't be seen in public with him?"

That's a tough one. You know she's going to eventually tell him to fuck off, but in his mind there will probably always be a chance to patch things up with his Parisite, so he might not say shit about her.

On the other hand, if he somehow comes up with another good way to make money other then Parisite, I'm sure he'd have no problem telling her to fuck off. It's all about the mighty dollar.

 
At July 03, 2006 8:44 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

Life's a bitch and so am I

"I think if he had the chance to roll around on a dirty floor with Taye he'd be all over that shit, snorting a rutting! "

AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH... that was such a perfect mental picture of that lameass!!

 
At July 03, 2006 8:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

PoorAss, please stop. Your rat-a-tat posts feel like an assault. Gather your thoughts into one comprehensive essay, or pick and choose a few things to respond to. I don't mean to be hurtful but I feel I must point out ... you're no longer the one in charge.

 
At July 03, 2006 9:05 PM, Blogger PoorAss Hilton said...

^^^ - Let's see, there were close to 100 comments when I opened my mail today, so I suppose I should just read through all of them, write up what I want to say to individual people on individual posts, and then post them? FUCK NO!

I go through the comments in my inbox, if I want to say something I click on the link and respond. I didn't even realize how many I was responding to in a row on the same article, but I really could care less either way.

Besides, it's not like I'm always going to be responding to so many comments in a row, I just felt like bitching about Perez a bit right now so I'm going through the comments.

"I don't mean to be hurtful but I feel I must point out ... you're no longer the one in charge."

Gee, really? Thanks for the update! And why would that be hurtful? I voluntarily passed the site off, remember? Doesn't mean I can't still come and bitch in the comments.

How about this... if you see my name as the comment poster, just move along. Fairly easy solution if you ask me.

PS - There are probably more "rat-a-tat posts" coming in the next little while, so beware!

 
At July 04, 2006 3:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

your presence is intrusive. and your pretty obnoxious every time you post. yr just another poster now so maybe you should dial it back a notch, just so you know no one enjoys your avalanche of posts homie

 

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