PoorAss Hilton
(aka. Paris Hilton's Newest Fashion Accessory)

PerezHilton.com -- Now with 10% real content!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Quick Bitchings, By PoorAss Hilton  

I've tried. I've really, really tried. But Perez is just too much of an idiot for me to not say something about these posts.

"Superman Is Not Gay, Y'all!"

Just when you thought Perez's photoshopping couldn't get any more juvenile, he finds a way. I think he's trying to live out his GILF fantasies through others now.

"LongHOria By The Pool"

Perez, if this is what you call a huge ass, what the hell is yours? Is there even a word in the english language to describe something as monstrous as your flabby, cottage cheese infested rump?

"I'm Fired. Now Let's Go Eat!!!!"

We've already heard way too much about Star Jones lately Perez, why do you have to make up articles on her just to say something new? No no, you're right, those two swines are chowin' down on, oh, what is that stuff called... WATER!

There isn't a single crumb of food in that goddamn picture.

"Fill In The Blank"

Star magazine editorial director Bonnie Fuller is really hot, IF she was an ACTUAL celebrity and anyone gave two shits.

"Lindsay Wants To Get Dirrty"

WOW! Lindsay must have given you an extra big bonus this week Perez, otherwise you would have used this pic or this pic.

Any other celebrity (except Parisite) and you would've been talking about how "shiteous" they look, but for Lindsay you comment on her lipstick.


"Tommy Lee And Josh Duhamel Get Into A Girlfight!"

Perez, you're such a fuckin' moron sometimes that you hurt my head.

Tommy's not even looking in that direction, so why photoshop an arrow in there? (and PS, we've all seen Pam's tits, you don't need to point them out to us).

And not only is your photoshopping ridiculously stupid, but you can't even SPELL! (but really, should that surprise me at this point?) What the hell does "fucke" mean you blithering idiot?

"That's So Wrong!"

OMG Perez! Do you really have the audacity to judge others on the way they dress? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'd rather see Raven in this dress then you in that hideous 50s diner outfit you were wearing on MOD.

You're a walking disaster. Clean yourself up and lose a few (hundred) pounds before you rag on the way others dress.

PS - Perez, I think you need to seek counselling for your Star Jones fetish. Do you even realize how many posts you've made about her lately? WHO CARES?!?!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/29/2006   -- 50 comments ]

If You're Friends With P.....  

Then you just want some shameless plug on his site!

I love that song by The Rentals, but now it annoyingly reminds me of the Pretzle. (sigh)


It's name Perez day! (loud clapping and screaming from the non audience)

I want you all to put on your thinking caps, and hit me up with the nicknames you might have for Mr.P himself. For example, I have taken to calling him:

GrossAssLoser (ha ha - I kid, I kid)

I want a FLOOD of non-ANON responses to this. I believe in ya'll. I know that we can come up with some of the best names for this dude. I will then put together a list, allow you to vote, and announce a "winner" at the end of it all, and address Pretzle by that name on the site.

Man oh man, I am a total loser. I get WAY too much pleasure with these posts, and to be honest with you, I don't really give a rats ass about Pretzle. It is just too much fun to see his idiocy shine through, and being a gossip monger I get mad at how he "spins" his shit. But if I ever was at a party with him (which might be more likely now that I am moving from NYC to LA!!) I would probably go over to him, say that I am totally addicted to his site, get a pic with him, and post it on this site, and title it - 'Running with the Devil' or something like that. I might just have to run by the "Office" one day and see the Pretz in action. Maybe throw a can of paint on him, to see if he posts it! LOL. I am really not that bold.

Okay, enough of all this. Please come up with the sharpest, most wicked names for Mr.P that you can, submit them and let the GAMES BEGIN!!!!

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

PS - Does anyone else notice how tight those jeans are on him, or how the zipper looks like it is going to bust open and let out SuperP? EEEEWWWW!!!

     [ by Ms.PoorAssHilton, 6/29/2006   -- 31 comments ]

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Pukishly "Pig Play" Perez  

“I get stories because people know that I will never lie, or make things up, or pay for information. I apply a journalistic standard to my work.”~Perez Hilton

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

     [ by Ms.PoorAssHilton, 6/28/2006   -- 25 comments ]

Better than Perez.com - Ms. PAH's Favorite Websites  

Greetings Everyone~

A perfect example of how NOT on the ball Pretzle is, this story about Ashlee Simpson turning down $4 million to pose in Playboy magazine broke while I was sleeping in the UK, and picked up by one of my favortite US sites "The Superficial" first thing this morning. I consider this great celebrity gossip, and Pretzle is too busy posting 101 posts about Star Jones leaving the View, he hasn't even touched this scoop yet. I wonder exactly how long it will be before he gets wind of this.
Ashlee's No Bunny

Again, I realized that Perez is merely a vehicle for him to 'piggyback' ride to fame, and not a site with worthy content. I thought that a lovely way get this day going was to give you guys the links to websites that are far more entertaining and filled with actual news & gossip. Imagine that, celebrity gossip websites that actually transmit news in a timely fashion without bias.!!! I assure you folks, this is not a hoax!!So check em out, they really are fun!

I Don't like You in that Way
Just Jared
The People We love to Hate
The Superficial
A Socialite's Life
Hollywood Rag
City Rag

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

     [ by Ms.PoorAssHilton, 6/28/2006   -- 14 comments ]

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Honestly, someone needs to put a sock in it.....  

Ugh. Mr.PeePee has bloated again. He linked an interview on his site to the blog "andPOP...pop culture with susbstance". Right there, I am curious about why they are featuring the Pretzle....where is the substance? But then again, when I think of pop, and I think annoying, inccesant subjects that neither have the staying power or the flavor of something with more longevity.

The title of the article is PerezHilton:Not just a Blogger (well at least they got that right - he is also a kiss ass, a wannabe, a posuer, an elvis impresonator, a liar, a thief, a lollipop head....) and here are some of the modest words straight from the horses mouth:

"Perez Hilton grabs my tape recorder and puts it close to his mouth."So you can get every juicy word I say," laughs Perez, lounging on a leather couch at the Drake Hotel in Toronto. "'Cause everything I have to say is soooo important. Everything!"

And the sad thing is that he and his minions probably actually believe this!

"At first when I would go to events and introduce myself as Perez Hilton I thought it was kind of lame, that I should just say I'm Mario. But now I'm like oh, fuck it. Perez created opportunity for me. There's nothing to be ashamed of, or embarrassed of and people like Perez. Some people hate him too, but who cares?" he laughs.

I bet he cares, if he didn't why would would those emails get written up and shown on Gawker?? Let's all admit what we know, he HATES it that people don't like him.

"Lindsay has dabbled in Kabbalah before," Perez chatters about gal-pal Lohan's latest friendship with Madonna. "Shit, I wouldn't mind being taken under Madonna's wing either. I would learn from Madonna. Madonna, make me your Kabbalah bitch. Just don't take my money. They want like 10 per cent of my income. I'm not giving you 10 per cent of my income. Shit, you should be happy I'm promoting your brand."

I am not even touching this one. To mess with the Madge even in jest just can't be smart....

"I'm serious about spinning. I want to learn to be a DJ. DJ Perezelle. I'm serious about that. I will do it when I come to Toronto, so people book me! Book me!"I really was talking to someone about DJ'ing," he claims. "So who knows? I don't really know how to DJ, but who cares, I'll learn on the job."


Pop Me! I am Mr.P's inflated head! (an interview with Jennifer Weatherhead)

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

     [ by Ms.PoorAssHilton, 6/27/2006   -- 26 comments ]

Ms. PoorAss Hilton, at your service!  

Hello everyone!

This is a new era for PoorAss Hilton. I have happily agreed to contribute my time, energy, thoughts and rants to this wonderful site. I was honored to be asked to help out, as I believe in my heart of hearts that we are onto something good here. OR bad here, since it is about Perez. ;-)

Of course, I am very sad that PAH is leaving, but I assure you that I will do my best to ensure that the beat keeps on beating strong. I have been griping about Perez for a little too long, and hoped for an outlet such as this to be born, a Perez platform where we are among our own.

Who is Ms. PoorAss Hilton?

Like many of you, I am a gossip hound, it is my job to surf the web reading the gossip sites. I live in NYC – the greatest city of all, which gives me an almost inherent dose of sarcasm. I am 30 years old, too old to care about Perez, but too involved in celebrity gossip to not. I care about honest journalism, and the Pretzel just twists that idea up!

What is my deal with Perez? Well, like PAH, I neither hate or like him. I am insanely addicted to his column in the same way a dog that has been kicked returns to his owner. I have been increasingly annoyed with how he conducts himself, annoyed with irrelevant posts about which celebrity he is “friends” with, annoyed with how cocky, conceited and cruel he can be. Most of all, I am annoyed that when i read his site, I am filled with the sense that I am back in high school - a really bad, fuschia pink nightmare of a high school- where I am continuously witness to the wannabe cool dude’s idea that he is too cool for a pink school, which he painted himself. Perez is not cool. My first whiffs of that sulfur smell transmitting from his page was a night when he hung out with Lindsay Morgan Lohan.

It just reeked, and there was nothing relevant in it at all. I think that the breaking point for me was the day when I logged onto to the site to see “the Simple life” background image splashed alongside a huge 728 banner on the top of the screen. For those of you who remembered when his site first began, he had many posts about Paris. Now, you can’t see anything real about her (like when she crashed her car etc etc etc etc) Sellout was sold, and it really just pissed me off. Not to mention the lame painting over crotches of people – yawn. And the handwriting rivals that of a fourth grader – which is appropriate being that the comments read like that too!

Enough about me, I want to hear from you! I think that maybe a little session of how we all came to this site, when our breaking points were with Perez are in order. I would also love some ideas as to what kinds of posts you would like to see from me, and ways that we can keep rolling out the pink “perezzle” poo poo platform!

Whoreanusly yours,
Ms. PoorAss Hilton

     [ by Ms.PoorAssHilton, 6/27/2006   -- 21 comments ]

I Can't Believe This Almost Didn't Get Posted!  

Even though I've had this information saved in a doc on my desktop for days, it almost didn't get posted. Sorry folks, I really haven't been getting enough sleep lately, I thought I had posted it :P

You know how Perez always boasts about getting 700,000 hits per day on his site? Well, did anybody notice anything strange in the CBC article that Perez had posted on his site this past Thursday? ("The Queen of All Media Canadialand")

"The site, which has nabbed several more big celebrity scoops since then, now averages upward of 600,000 hits a day"

Hmm, maybe it's nothing, but there might be even more to this article. The word "now" seems very innocent, but is it not almost inferring that traffic is up to 600,000?

PS - This was posted less than a week ago, why the hell do they have such an ancient picture of Perez? He must have wanted to look good for Canada so he sent them an older pic, hehe. (and when I said he wanted to look "good", remember that it's all relative)

PPS - Ok, this is my last post :P

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/27/2006   -- 5 comments ]

Monday, June 26, 2006

The End For PoorAss, But The Site Will Live On  

As much fun as I've had setting this site up and playing with blogger, it's gotten to the point where it's taking up way too much time... time I'm not going to have starting next week. However, I'm in the process of getting someone else that will keep the site alive, so don't worry you'll still have somewhere to come and bitch about Perez.

For everyone that's posted a comment saying I'm not the right person to run this site, you're partially right. I've setup and run sites much bigger then Perez's, so I think I can handle a little blog like this... however, Perez just isn't worth the time and effort, plain and simple. He's a useless bottom feeder that's eventually going to get what he deserves, and that makes me happy enough.

Also, for everyone that's going to say things like, "See, we finally made him crack by telling him he sucks and that he shouldn't be running this site", you couldn't be more off. If you go back and check the comments on the first posts on this site 2 weeks ago you'll see me talking about passing the site off to someone else. So don't kid yourself and think you're the reason I'm doing this. My intentions were clear from the beginning.

Contrary to what some of you seem to believe, I'm not some crazy, psychopathic stalker that's on a mission to ruin Perez. Sure I wouldn't mind if people saw him for the sellout and biased meth junkie that he is, but I could care less if I'm the one that exposes him.

So I guess that about wraps it up. For everyone that's come out to support the site, thanks! I'll definitely be visiting from time-to-time to see what Perez has been up to.


PoorAss Hilton

PS - If you're new to this site and don't know how or why this site started, just go here and read the welcome message.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/26/2006   -- 26 comments ]

Not For The Faint Of Heart!  

Faded Youth/Celebrity Terrorist and Oh No They Didn't have both posted articles about our dear friend Perez today. I'm not exactly sure which one was first, as FY/CT doesn't show a timestamp, so I'll give both of the links here. (UPDATE: Faded Youth/Celebrity Terrorist was the original source of this story).

These articles show Perez's active online dating profile, including pics that are so old you might not even recognize the guy, along with pictures of his, well, you know what. My eyes are still burning.

If you want the "unit optional" version of the pictures you might want to check out the Faded Youth article.

"In their AIM chat (which I have a word-for-word copy of), Perez claimed they were recent. And by recent I think he means many moons and many Twinkies ago. He later went on to say he's looking for bareback sex and suggested smoking crystal meth -- though he didn't have the goods or the means of acquiring it himself."

"PEREZ HILTON EXPOSED" - Faded Youth/Celebrity Terrorist

"HAHA Perez goes Pete Wentz's Style!" - Oh No They Didn't

I can't even comment on this shit... the pictures and writeups on these two sites say it all (and show it all, unfortunately).

Thanks to *tara, Ms. X, Poptart501 & Jen for sending this stuff in!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/26/2006   -- 22 comments ]

We Knew He Stole Checks, But Complete Articles?  

You'd figure with all his money Perez would buy himself a dictionary. Well here, I'll help him out just this once.

plagiarism - "to steal and pass off (the ideas or words of another) as one's own : use (another's production) without crediting the source"

Thanks for the heads up Kbomb!


Perez literally hoisted a story from Fox about Suri cruise, and passed it off as his own, without giving the author any credit.

His "story"

The REAL story


No giving credit, no posting a pic and just the link to Fox News, instead he just copies and pastes the entire article. Now that's classy!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/26/2006   -- 10 comments ]

PAH Goes Over 10,000 Unique Visitors!  

The site's not even 2 weeks old, but there have already been over 10,000 different visitors come out to support the "Perez Sucks!" movement. It might not seem like much, but considering how the site started I'd say it's pretty damn good!

Thanks to everyone from Argentina, Canada, Malaysia, New Zealand, The Philippines, The United Kingdom, and last but not least, The United States.

And a special thanks to Perez for being such a douche!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/26/2006   -- 38 comments ]

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Is that jizz or powdered donut remains?  (view)

Knowing Perez, it's probably a combination of both.

Thanks for the pic MuchMusic!

And nice shirt Perez! You look like a booth in a 50s diner. A dirty, unshaven, bloated, worn out, overused booth.

Some noteworthy snippets from the article:

"I'm proving to our die-hard romantic friend that yes, Justin broke up with Cameron"

But of course there was no mention about how Perez reported on Cameron's bachelorette party the day earlier. Like I said before, getting married, breaking up, it's all the same right Perez?

"In a way I was the first to be doing - and in a way, I still am - the only one doing what I'm really doing."

No, Perez doesn't have an ego, not at all. But to be fair he's right. He's the only one that tries to out every celebrity in Hollywood and writes stupid, irrelevant crap on every picture he posts.

"I won't ever really be mainstream. I'm a big gay with alternative tendencies."

The most truthful words to every come out of Perez's mouth.

There's probalby more, but at this point I became tired of reading all the garbage.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/25/2006   -- 20 comments ]

PoorAss Is The "Dish Of The Day"  (view)

This is it kids, WE'VE MADE IT! PoorAss is the "Dish Of The Day" over at Le Maison de Brandon!

First, I'd like to take a moment to thank the academy, my parents, my agent, the butter chicken I had for dinner tonight, and... oh geez, there are just so many people to thank!

So what exactly does this mean?! Well, I have no fuckin' clue! :P But it can't hurt to have more people hearing the truth about Perez! So Bedazzler, thanks!

And OMG, I almost pissed myself when I saw the blueberry Perez! I suggest everyone go check it out.

If you have any questions about Le Maison de Brandon I'm sure Bedazzler would be happy to answer them. Just submit a comment on his site or on here.

But seriously, go check out the blueberry Perez right now! You won't regret it.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/25/2006   -- 37 comments ]

Friday, June 23, 2006

"Omnia Vincit Amor"  (view)

Dude, you're just getting fuckin' gross lately.

Who needs to see your photoshopped fake cum dribbling out of the mouths of two nobodys? NOBODY, that's who.

PS - I thought your site was for celebrity gossip?

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/23/2006   -- 38 comments ]

"Why? Why? Why????"  (view)

Nice photoshopping dillhole.

I really think you need therapy for your obsession with celebrity private parts. Perhaps it's because you never get to touch any of them yourself?

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/23/2006   -- 9 comments ]

"Brad Pitt Celebrates Gay Pride Weekend Too!"  (view)

Is it just me or is Perez grasping at straws with this one?

First, the headline is, "Brad Pitt Celebrates Gay Pride Weekend Too!", yet there's nothing in the article about Gay Pride or anything even remotely along those lines. What's the point in name dropping 'Gay Pride' on a pic of someone standing beside a motorbike?

And I said 'someone' instead of Brad Pitt because to me (and the majority of the people posting comments on Perez's site), this doesn't really look like Brad Pitt.

As someone pointed out in the comments on Perez's site, the licence plate is registered to Brad Rowe. What do you think?

So which Brad is it? No clue, but the jaw/mouth etc. really don't look like Brad Pitt to me.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/23/2006   -- 8 comments ]

"Quick Notes"  

The "Quick Notes" section above... yay or ney?

Keep in mind that these quick notes will also appear at the top of individual article posts, like this one, and this one.

Do you think these would get too annoying after a while? (only the 5 most recent quick notes will be posted, so the list will always be around the size that it is now)


9 Yays -- 1 Ney -- 2 On the fence


In an effort to not clutter the top of the main window, the 'Quick Notes' have been moved to the upper right-hand corner of the page.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/23/2006   -- 15 comments ]

Thursday, June 22, 2006

"Paris Challenged To A Duel"  (view)

Of course she's going to do it! That skank does anything that will get her picture taken, even if it means embarassing herself by getting absolutely thrashed by Clonie. Especially with the poker boom right now, you just know Parisite is gonna to jump on that bandwagon the first chance she gets.

I just hope Parisite realizes this is poker, not poke-her, which is something she's a bonafide pro at! She lets guys go all-in any chance she gets, and we all know she likes playing with the nuts.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/22/2006   -- 15 comments ]

Fill In The Blanks  

Perez is the world's biggest __________ because he __________.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/22/2006   -- 14 comments ]

"Britney: Return of the Wig"  (view)

AAAAAHAHAHAHHAHA. Perez, stop, you're gonna make me pee a little.

"As PerezHilton.com was the first to exclusively report, Britney Spears has taken to wearing a wig out in public recently."

AAHAHAHAHAHAH.. Oh god, sorry, I can't stop laughing. Perez, this is the worst fuckin' "exclusive" in the history of, well, ANYWHERE! Britney wears a wig to hide from the media, WHAT A SHOCKER!! As I said a few days ago, this is nothing new, and is by no means news worthy. Celebrities have been wearing wigs and changing their appearance FOREVER!

I guess she "pulled another Paris" eh Perez? hahahaha

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/22/2006   -- 6 comments ]

"The Queen of Canadialand"  (view)

The Canadian media disappoints me yet again.

I wish they would get their head out of their ass when it comes to Perez. Due to the fact that they're only hearing about him now (because he's a nobody, not because they're behind the times), they actually think he's something special. He name drops Paris & Linsday and they start to listen intently, and it's rather sad. The article that the CBC wrote made me want to puke. It has nothing to do with the content itself, I just can't believe the CBC is wasting their time on a piece of shit like Perez.

Canada! Wake up! Perez is nothing more then a biased, bottom feeding sellout!

Perez, you should really try to spend as much time as possible in Canada right now, cause once they find out who you really are those invitations are gonna stop coming in.

PS - I really wish they would've just stopped the interview and bitch slapped the guy when he used the word "Canadialand". Fuckin' moron.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/22/2006   -- 15 comments ]

"Time To Vote!"  (view)

Personally, I'd love to see Perez on Big Brother. The look on his face when he's the first person booted out of the house would be PRICELESS! I bet he'd cry like a little girl on national television.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/22/2006   -- 5 comments ]

"Let's Play Ball"  (view)

This is almost as bad as the pictures of Lindsay Lohan drinking lemonade. Jake Gyllenhaal plays basketball... OH MY GOD!@!@!!! I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MYSELF!!

If this is what you consider "gossip" Perez, then anyone with a computer and a camera could do your fuckin' job. You should change the theme of your site to "Celebrities doing shit you don't care about".

And make sure to check out the next article!! I'm going to reveal EXCLUSIVE pictures of Justin Timberlake driving a car. YOU SAW IT HERE FIRST!!!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/22/2006   -- 9 comments ]

"Cameron's Bachelorette Party?"  (view)

"The girls-only getaway got tongues wagging and talk started of it being a bachelorette party and an imminent wedding."

Gee, you really had the scoop on this one eh Perez? Getting married, broken up, same thing.

And by the way, yet again, nice photoshop work! You truly are an inspiration to us all.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/22/2006   -- 3 comments ]

"We Won!!!!"  (view)

You crack me up Perez. You openly admitted on Much On Demand the other day that you know absolutely nothing about sports, so what's with this post? I can understand being happy for them winning, but it's not gossip and it's obvious all you're trying to do is win over a few sports-watching fans that might visit your site.

For god's sake, you couldn't even pronounce Jose Theodore's name properly.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/22/2006   -- 3 comments ]

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Caption Me  

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/20/2006   -- 41 comments ]

"Introducing: The Perez, Jr."  (view)

Oh god, I think I'm gonna throw up. Why do you have it up to your mouth like you're gonna lick it you sick fuck? It's not a microphone.

My source (my imagination) says that Perez had "Perez Jr." stuck you know where just before this picture was taken. I just hope he has some wet naps to wipe his upper lip with.

You know what though, it does kind of remind me of Perez's unit... short, deformed, skinny, sterile.

And you know what. I didn't want to get into doing Perez-like shit, such as the "Fill in the blank", "Caption Me", etc. sort of posts, but c'mon, how can I not get readers to caption this one?!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/20/2006   -- 14 comments ]

"Perezzle On The Televizzle"  (view)

Did everyone check out the Toronto Star article on Perez? The last quote just fuckin' slayed me.

"Hilton says he breaks major celebrity news on a daily basis"

HAHAHAH... and by "major celebrity news" he meant that he writes "I (heart) cock" on random pictures of straight people.

"I consider myself more than just a blogger and more like an entertainer"

Well you certainly entertain me Perez. It's hard not to when you're such a fuckup.

"I will not lie. I work so hard to gain trust from the reader"

You know what, I'm not even going to comment on this one. Talk amongst yourselves.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/20/2006   -- 11 comments ]

I Stand Corrected  

Well appparently this post wasn't what I thought it was after all. Instead, it was just another example of how fucked up Perez's systems really are. Maybe the mouse in the wheel that runs his server is getting tired?!

How shitty of a system do you need to have stuff like this just "happen"? Does anyone have experience with Movable Type, because I'd really like to know what's going on here... it's supposed to be a very good system, but from what I've seen it blows goats.

petrucchio sent in this example, which shows a response appearing 18 minutes before the comment they're responding to (Ashley & Grace). Like WTF?! How can there be such a discrepancy?

I guess this would also explain why his actual post showed up roughly 30 minutes after the timestamp on it. It's retarded, but I guess that's just the way his system works.

However, all of this aside, I still think Perez is a giant douche, haha.

Thanks for the heads up petrucchio! I wouldn't have believed his systems were this fucked up unless I saw it myself, which I now have.

PS - For the conspiracy theorists out there, it really wouldn't have been that hard for Perez to modify these comments (the ones that petrucchio sent in) so that one of his pro-Perez puppets might pick up on it and come here to bitch. But other visitors of this site (such as Brandon), have also said that his comments are completely screwed, so I have a feeling that's not what happened here (and Brandon is not a fan of Perez's, so he wouldn't be trying to help him cover something like this up).

PPS - It's too bad this wasn't Perez making up comments and changing timestamps after all. I was actually in contact with "Kim" and she did in fact confirm that our comments were 1st and 2nd. It would've been nice to tell everyone that said these pics were fake to go fuck themselves! :) This does, however, confirm just how screwed up Perez's systems are.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/20/2006   -- 13 comments ]

1st Annual "Hypocrite of the Year" Award  

And this years Hypocrite of the Year award goes to.... (drumroll)


     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/20/2006   -- 23 comments ]



The below article will prove once and for all that Perez doctors the posts and comments on his site. So if you're a Perez lover, you might want to look away.

And for the rest of you... ENJOY! :)


I wonder how long it's gonna to take Perez to delete this one :) I snuck it in on the following article.

"Lance To Finally Come Out Officially???"


Well apparently not that long! I just reloaded the site, and not only is my comment gone, but there are 3 new ones that have an earlier timestamp then mine!

This proves that not only does Perez delete comments at will, but he also MAKES UP HIS OWN COMMENTS AND THEN ROLLS THE TIME BACK ON THEM. Notice that "Kim" still has her post on both of these screenshots, and the times are right there.

I just love how he put two negative comments in before the postive one. Yeah, you're sneaky Perez.

Can you say BUSTED!


OMG! Can you believe it actually gets worse? I just noticed that the timestamp on his post is 2:45am, but there's no way in hell this was on his site at this time. I was on his site about 20 minutes before I posted my URL on there and this article was nowhere to be found. The earliest he could have posted this was 3:15am or so.

So now we know he changes the time on posts so that they seem like he had the scoop earlier, aaaahahahahahaha. Was is really worth getting busted so that you could say you had the story 30 minutes earlier then you did?

Perez, you're a fuckin' pud.

PS - Am I ever glad I decided to take a screenshot of my first 'first' on Perez's site :)


To find out what really happened here, check out this post.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/20/2006   -- 59 comments ]

Monday, June 19, 2006

"Britney Pulls A Paris"  (view)

Good lord Perez, just how much does she pay you to throw her name into random articles?

Celebrities have changed their look and worn disguises to avoid press forever, so why the hell is Britney "pulling a Paris" here? Oh, I guess it wasn't cool until Parisite did it though, right? Get a fuckin' clue.

Seriously though, give us a number Perez. How much money did it take for you to part with your soul?

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/19/2006   -- 35 comments ]

Much More Stupidity  

The headline says it all.

Perez, are you really that much of of a simpleton that you can't think up different headlines for your "articles"? 12 posts from the MMVAs, all with the same "Much More x" headline. You're a creative one!

Unlike you, being the moron that you are, I'm not going to do a ton of posts for one subject. So here goes.

"Much More Fagulosity"  (view article)
"We were happy there was someone gayer than Perez"

C'mon Perez, well all know that's not true (nor is it even possible). We've all seen your online sex profiles, you can't hide your gay freakiness from us.

"Much More Canadian"  (view article)
Not much to say on this one actually... except that Elisha Cuthbert is freakin' hot! That is all.

"Much More Cover-Up"  (view article)
"at the 2006 Much Music Video Awards on Sunday night in T-dot"

Perez. Perez, Perez, Perez. Don't you ever use the word T-dot again. PLEASE! Although I realize it's just another one of your lame attempts at being cool, it just doesn't work. You not only don't live in Toronto, you don't even live in fuckin' Canada, so shut it! I grew up a few hours away from Toronto and even I don't use T-dot, you know, because I'm not some pathetic loser trying to sound black. Kardinal and Rascalz can use T-dot. Fat, pasty white gay guys that have their head stuck up Parisite Hilton's ass should not. End of story.

"Much More Dreamy In Person"  (view article)
"Three scoops of yum with a cherry on top."


"Much More Boy Talk"  (view article)
"Did Pete's hand get stuck up Lance Bass's butt??"

I'm starting to think that on top of the man love you feel for Kevin Federline, that you also have a thing for Lance Bass. Why else would you throw stupid-ass comments like this around when the article has absolutely nothing to do with Lance Bass. You're just way too much of a pud for my taste.

"Much More Vanessa!"  (view article)
"However, as soon as Nick saw us coming his way upstairs, he went running back into his dressing room!"

WOW! Nick's even smarter then I thought. Contrary to what we saw with his marriage, he does seem to have good judgement from time-to-time.

PS - Canadians don't like you Perez. We're just too polite to tell you to fuck off.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/19/2006   -- 23 comments ]

Sunday, June 18, 2006

"Love Me Some Lohan"  (view)

Perez... this is just sad.

It's a well known fact that you two love each other, so a testimonial from her means jack shit. Could it be that Lindsay has given you some money so that you'll feature her more often Perez? She couldn't possibly be paying you more than Parisite is!

This was obviously a pathetic attempt at you and Lindsay doing each other a favour for publicity. You know, you scratch her back, she shaves yours. It's like the pictures you posted the other day of her drinking lemonade. Where the hell's the gossip in that?!

PS - And "peppered", give it a fuckin' rest already. Like everyone on your own damn site keeps telling you, it sucks and it's not going to catch on. Let it go Perez, let it go!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/18/2006   -- 39 comments ]

Is Perez in love with Kevin Federline?  

Am I the only one that thinks Perez has a thing for Kevin Federline?

Two days ago he posted this article, in which he states that he hates to admit it (yeah, right), but Keven looked hot on the wave runner. Since this post there have been two other Kevin Federline posts ("Fill In The Blank" and "Separated At Birth: World Cup Edition", neither of which have any actual news or gossip in them. I think Perez just wanted his new flame to have ample face time on his website. Awww, that's so cute Perez.

All the name calling makes sense now... he doesn't hate Kevin Federline, he was flirting with him.

Sorry Perez, he's kind of taken. But keep circulating those online profiles of yours and I'm sure you'll find someone eventually!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/18/2006   -- 17 comments ]

Saturday, June 17, 2006

A taste of the REAL Perez  

Tonight I decided to do a bit of sleuthing for information on our friend Perez (aka. Maria, I mean Mario Lavandeira), and let me tell you, it didn't take long to find some interesting stuff on the guy.

Although these articles might not be news to some of you, I figured I'd still post them just in case some of you are out of the loop on Perez's dickhead antics over the past year (as I was not all that long ago).

If you have any other articles like this on Perez, just post a comment with the link!

  1. Even though Gawker.com is a blog itself (a popular blog for daily news and gossip in Manhattan), after seeing what a cocky dickwad Perez Hilton is, they said this:

    "Today, though, we realized that we’re wrong. Bloggers, in fact, are scum."

    And remember, they run a blog.

    The information that drew them to this conclusion was a set of emails between Perez and Jose Martinez, a publicist at Harrison & Shriftman (which handles PR for Playboy’s parties), where Perez acted as if he was god.

    See what Perez is really like by clicking on the below link.

    "Perez Hilton Makes Us Hate Ourselves" - Gawker.com
    View this article >>>

    And thanks to nunya for this link, which was posted on Gawker's site a week or so after the above one. It's chalked with, well, what'd you'd expect to see on Perez's online gay sex profile. Perez himself even took time out of his busy schedule to leave a comment on the site.

    "The Secret Life of Perez Hilton" - Gawker.com
    View this article >>>
    Click here to go straight to the profile screenshot >>>

    And then of course that article led us to this more recent online profile of Perez's. My favorite quote has to be:

    "I love to work, be healthy and fit. Turn my body out! HA HA HA."

    Click here to view his profile >>>

  2. It was over a year ago, but even back then Perez was begging for money so he could keep his site running. But that's not the real story here, check out the comments. There are people out there that know what a scumbag Perez really is. In fact, I don't even want to make you wait, so here's a snippet of what you'll find:

    "He got run out of L.A. because he is a meth addict and a thief. The boy had the gumption to steal a check from a friend's apartment and then deposit it into his own account as a third-party check. Like his ass wouldn't get caught."

    "Save Perez Hilton!" - SocialiteLife.com
    View this article >>>

  3. Instead of commenting on this one, I'll just give you a clip from it:

    "He’s repugnant, phony, and petty — and those are his most redeeming qualities. Indeed, he is to gossip blogs what Matt Drudge is to political ones: a vainglorious, self-absorbed twit, who substitutes his own brand of obvious wordplay and “OMIGOD He’s soooo gay!” musings for the observational wit and tawdry intelligence of bloggers like the folks at Gawker Media and Idontlikeyouinthatway."

    "The (Nauseating) World According to Perez" - Pajiba.com
    View this article >>>

  4. As an FYI, his stupid idiotic spellings that he does online, I guess it carries over from the real world. Check out the first clip on this page.

    Perez, what's does "ticture paken" mean? :P

    View the clip >>>

  5. This one's more for curiosity sake then anything...

    Does anyone know what the hell PerezHilton.org is all about?!? I found it in my travels, and I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on the subject.

    Go to PerezHilton.org >>>

  6. And last but not least, here's the petition to ban Perez from the Internet. I couldn't leave this one out :)

    View or Sign the petition >>>

There! So now for all the people that have said I'm lazy and haven't done any real research for this site, shut it! haha

Oh, and enjoy the links :)

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/17/2006   -- 42 comments ]

Friday, June 16, 2006

Perez is monitoring comments on his site now  

Well it's 100% confirmed, Perez has started monitoring the comments on his site now.

I know this because he keeps going through and deleting the URL to this site every time I post it. I went back to read the comments on some of the articles from earlier today, and to my surprise my comments were nowhere to be found. Maybe that's what was happening last night too, he was just sitting there deleting them as I was posting them.

How could this site be hurting him at all? It can't. Period. He's just a childish little girl that can't take it when someone spreads the truth about him.

Just when you thought Perez couldn't get any more pathetic, he surprises us yet again.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/16/2006   -- 37 comments ]

"Does Tater Tot Have A Mullet????? YOU Decide!"  (view)

Perez, do you even know what a mullet is? Because this sure as hell isn't one. Even the pictures you have posted further down the page that show the back of his head, so not a mullet. It's called baby hair, look into it.

You could've talked about Britney's tits, her stomach, the blotches of sunscreen on the kid's head, his chubby legs, anything, but instead you yet again made something up. Is reporting false details just a compulsion at this point Perez?

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/16/2006   -- 25 comments ]

"It's Friday And..."  (view)

AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... hold on, I need to take a break for a second here.

(changes his underwear after peeing himself)

And, I'm back. Sorry about that, I had to compose myself after nearly laughing to death.

Perez, you realize this isn't a magazine, right? You also realize it's a cheesy FREE newspaper that's just handed out around the city, right? You also know that the "Dose" newspaper isn't going to be around much longer, right?

Let me break it down for you Perez.

There were 3 of these free newspapers that started around the same time. "Dose", "24 Hours", and "Metro". However, the only one that's caught on is "24 Hours". Dose has been mocked and ridiculed since the day it was launched, and the readership has been dropping off more and more all the time.

From what I've heard Dose isn't going to be around much longer, so I hope you don't expect a follow-up article on you. And now that I see the kind of stories they're doing, I think I know why it's dying.

Proud to be in Dose, you fuckin' slay me Perez. Maybe you should try to get in The Enquirer next!

Oh, and by the way, the below snippet is the most retarded thing I've ever read. It just proves how delusional some of your readers really are:

"Please write more about youself Perez. Less celebs! And, more pictures of YOU!!! You're hotter than Brad Pitt."


Apparently Dose isn't even handed out on the street anymore, nor is it available in curbside newspaper boxes, it's only available online. I guess they weren't making enough from adverisers to justify the printing costs. That must be one kickass paper!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/16/2006   -- 17 comments ]

"Pick Up The New Entertainment Weekly!"  (view)

They actually listed Perez? Have they not seen his site lately? Don't they know it's turned into a personal forum between Perez, Parisite & Lindsay Lohan?

Apparently their standards have gone downhill. Waaaaaay downhill.

The "Best of the Web"... *snicker*

That's just sad.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/16/2006   -- 12 comments ]

"Quote Of The Day"  (view)

Gay or not, I still think Kevin Spacey is one of the most undervalued actors out there. Although he's definitely gotten more respect the last few years.

The Usual Suspects is probably my favorite movie of all-time, yet it was one of those sleeper flicks that didn't really get noticed by a whole lot of people when it was released. I didn't even know what the hell it was when I saw it in the video store, but I'm sure glad I rented it that day.

If you haven't seen it, I strongly recommend that you rent it!! (or download it, but of course I don't encourage piracy :P). It's an oldie, so it would be in the cheap section at your video store.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/16/2006   -- 6 comments ]

"Angel, Where Have You Been???"  (view)

Good lord, what the hell is up with Clay Aiken?! Does he not realize the style changes that they made to him on American Idol were for his benefit?! Perez's article is almost insulting to K.D. Lang & Pee Wee Herman.

I'll be honest, I was watching AI that Clay was on. Although it was obvious right from the start that he had the vocal talent, his "look" really did need some work if he was going to be a star in the music industry. But with this new look, I think he actually looks worse then he did before he started on idol.

Is this something he did so that he's not as easily to recognize by the public?!

Oh, and Gayken, that definitely needs to be added to the list.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/16/2006   -- 10 comments ]

"Are You Ready Canada???"  (view)

Ok, so let me get this straight.

Perez mocks Dave Chappelle, calls him crazy, says he's going to kidnap Britney's baby and take him to Africa, but he still has no problem adverstising for and selling his Block Party DVD on his site (both in this article and on the right-hand side where all the shitty ads are) in order to make money.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the definition of being a sellout? Promoting and profiting from something you don't believe in yourself?

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/16/2006   -- 13 comments ]

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Well kiddies, it looks like my time is up  

Not even 3 days old, and apparently this blog was already getting on Mr. Perez's nerves.

It seems as though he's modified his system so that I can no longer post the URL to this site. It looks like I'm submitting a comment, but then it just doesn't show up.

Who would've thought some lameass blog like this could actually get Perez's panties in a bunch.

As I've said before, this was originally put up as a joke, and since my #1 method for generating traffic (posting on Perez's site) is gone, I am not going to spend my time trying to get the site out there.

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Thanks to everyone that came by for a visit! (with special thanks to Verity and Ronny, of course :)


Well it looks like PoorAss is alive and well! Although Perez is moderating the comments on his site, luckily he doesn't seem to do it all that often so I'm still able to post my URL. I guess the other night he just happened to be monitoring them when I was posting, so they were being deleted instantly.

Well now that that's over, let's get back to raggin' on Perez! :)

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/15/2006   -- 34 comments ]

"Brandon Davis Checks Into Rehab!"  (view)

So the fact that he admitted that he was an asshole towards Lindsay Lohan, that he needs help with his drug problem, and that he was literally on his way to rehab, this isn't good enough, you still have to write "I (heart) cock!" on his arm and have cocaine falling out of his nose? The photoshopping you do is just childish Perez.

Lemme guess, Lohan wanted you to cast him in a bad light because she couldn't accept the fact that he knows he was a jerk and is trying to get help, so you did your wicked photoshop job on the pic so that Lindsay will let you take more pictures of her drinking lemonade next week? Now I get it.

And I'll say it again. Just because you like cock Perez, doesn't mean every guy does. Nor is it funny to make gay jokes about anyone you feel. I would figure you of all people would be a little less apt to throw gay jokes around as insults towards straight people. You're basically saying that it's bad to be gay. Yeah, that's cool.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/15/2006   -- 12 comments ]

"The Face Of An Angel"  (view)

Ok, this is actually quite funny, hehe.

What the hell did happen to Claire Danes?! I remember her being kinda cute when she first started out on "My so called life". Am I just delusional and she's always looked like this?

She looks like Hollywood chewed her up and spit her out the bottom of the porn industry.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/15/2006   -- 10 comments ]

"Word Of The Week"  (view)

Does Britney really think she's just going to be able to pickup her music career where she left off? Not gonna happen.

She'll try, and she may even be successful again, but she's never going to come close to what she achieved before the whole Federline fiasco and having a couple kids.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/15/2006   -- 6 comments ]

My response to everyone saying that I'm just jealous of Perez *laugh*  

A number of you have come to this site just to post something saying that I'm jealous of Perez. Let me get one thing straight here. YOU COULDN'T BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH! I'm more then happy with my life and I wouldn't wish a Perez-like existence on anyone, especially now that he's hanging around that disease infested tramp Parisite more lately.

If you'd like to know why I wouldn't be jealous of Perez in a million years, click here and read the comments.

From here on out, any time someone says I'm just jealous of Perez in a comment, that comment is getting deleted. I'm getting tired of you fuckwads that don't have something creative to say to me so you just regurgitate the same shit everyone else is saying.

So go to this page, do a search for "Verity", read her comments, and then flame me. She'll show you how to be a bit more creative with your insults.


Ok, so I haven't actually been deleting the posts that say I'm jealous, but I've stopped responding to them. I can't just delete them, they're too amusing to read.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/15/2006   -- 27 comments ]

Thank you, whoever you are!  

To whoever keeps taking the time to post my little signature on PerezHilton.com, THANKS! The last few times I've gone over there to post it, it's already there! hehe

You're saving me a buttload of time, having to wait for Perez's slow-ass site to load and all (and nevermind the fact that you have to wait a year in between comment posts).

I have no idea why you're doing it, but again, THANKS!

And in case some of you are wondernig what I mean, I'm talking about this little blurb I post up there now and then:

Come vent about Perez!


It's the blog dedicated to another blog!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/15/2006   -- 8 comments ]

"Fun With Food"  (view)

Since when is someone having lemonade considered gossip Perez? Do celebrities not normally need to eat and drink on a daily basis? Yet another cheesy way for you to talk about people when there's no real news on them.

I bet she takes a dump at some point today too, but you shouldn't post that until tomorrow, you wouldn't want to use up all your stellar Lohan gossip on the same day.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/15/2006   -- 7 comments ]

"The Magic Of Makeup"  (view)

What the fuck is with the heart Perez? What's this need you have to draw attention to celebrity private parts, even if they have nothing to do with the article?

It's as if you sit down and ask yourself what you can do to make a picture as idiotic as you are, and then you do it.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/15/2006   -- 7 comments ]

"Princess Frostylocks & The First Reich's Tour Of Love Continues!"  (view)

Every time you say, "Princess Frostylocks & The First Reich", I die a little bit more inside.

I realize you're gay Perez (which becomes more and more blatantly obvious with every word you speak), and I have no problem with that whatsoever, but not all your readers are gay and I'm sure they're getting sick and tired of having to decipher your bullshit made-up gay names you have for everything. I know I sure am!

I also love how in this article you and your minion Courtney talk as if Lance & Reichen have already completely come out and are boyfriends now. You've gone past the point of speculating, now you're just assuming and acting as if it's true. That's kinda pathetic. I have no real news on this person, so I'll just make shit up.

I think you like to have sex with goats Perez, so from this day forward I'm going to act as if its true.

You should change the banner on your site to read, "Celebrity Assumptions, Not from Concentrate".

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/15/2006   -- 37 comments ]

"Hurt So Good We Got A Soregasm"  (view)

Perez, if there were any doubts about your sexuality, that shirt just gave the answer loud and clear. Or was that your pathetic attempt at looking "bad" because you were meeting Peaches and wanted to seem cool?

"...the only place you will hear Paris Hilton, Madonna, The Killers and Peaches all in the same evening."

Why do you keep name dropping that skank? Any place that plays her music is doing it as a joke, you know that, right Perez?

And I'm sorry, did you just call yourself "Perezzle"? Oh, and "Perezito", in the same article. Are you having a bit of an identity crisis, or are the drugs just that good?

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/15/2006   -- 4 comments ]

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

"Headline Of The Week"  (view)

WOW! This is even more pathetic then Perez. (not an easy task)

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/14/2006   -- 21 comments ]

"Hot Time In The City"  (view)

Yet another shameless plus for Paris. She likes to party, we get it. We got it the first few hundred times you posted pics of her partying.

And yet, still no mention of her Hit 'n' Run.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/14/2006   -- 14 comments ]

"Party With Perez in NYC Tonight!"  (view)

This party couldn't have a more perfect location for Perez.

It is, of course, in the "Meatpacking District".

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/14/2006   -- 5 comments ]

"Introducing: The PEREZidential Podcast!"  (view)

Yes, but did you ask her the question that's really on everyone's mind Perez?

"How does such a crazy bitch like you that's made of over 90% plastic and obviously has more mental issues then any one therapist could handle in a lifetime of couch sessions manage to fool everyone into thinking you actually have talent and are worth keeping around for anything other than amusing us with your disgusting botox pictures?"

You didn't ask her, did you Perez?

And for the love of god, please tell me that "PEREZidential" isn't really the name of your new podcast? You lameass mother father fucker.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/14/2006   -- 11 comments ]

"When Crazy Met Baby"  (view)

The "I (heart) Tater Tot!" you so elegantly photoshopped onto that pic... Completely irrelevant and utterly stupid. You've truly outdone yourself Perez!

What the fuck does Britney's child have to do with Dave Chappelle and his Block Party DVD? Oh, I get it. That was just another one of your stupid attempts at bringing up old news to try to be funny. News flash! It's not funny.

Sorry, it took me a minute to stoop down to your level of stupidity before I could understand what the point of this was.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/14/2006   -- 10 comments ]

"When Crazy Met Jesus"  (view)

Is Christianity the new Kabbalah?

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/14/2006   -- 3 comments ]

This is exactly what's wrong with PerezHilton.com  (view)

The first comment on the above post is exactly what's wrong with PerezHilton.com.

"Perez - why aren't you writing about Paris' hit'n'run? isn't that gossip worthy?"

You have to understand that if he were to report bad news about Paris, he wouldn't be invited to parties with her anymore (and he couldn't wear that sexy elvis suit we've all come to love. Did I say love? I meant loathe).

Reporting the type of information he's supposed to be reporting to his readers, or selling out to keep his relationship with Parisite alive. It's an easy decision if you're a man whore that's only in the public eye because you've ridden on the coat tails of a trashy skank. Oh shit, I've done it again. Sorry to all the trashy skanks out there. I didn't mean to offend you.

It's too bad too, this may have been Perez's best opportunity at actually being first to report a story. But I guess the sellout route works too.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/14/2006   -- 16 comments ]

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

"Back to Basics"  (view)

Although I prefer the dark haired ladies more myself, Jenna will always have a place in my heart (and porn collection). I don't care what anyone says, I'd still nail 'er!

Mmmm, to have one night with Jenna and Kristy Canyon. All my teenage fantasies would finally be complete!

Sure they're getting up there in age, but c'mon, the nostalgia factor would be HUGE! :P

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/13/2006   -- 5 comments ]

Vanessa Minnillo, a response to the comment posters on PerezHilton.com  (view)

4 words. ARE YOU BLIND, MAN?!

Just how high are your standards?! I don't understand how anyone can call Vanessa fat and ugly.


     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/13/2006   -- 15 comments ]

Monday, June 12, 2006


Perez Hilton sucks balls, both literally and figuratively.

C'mon, Perez posts lame, sometimes made up shit as "Breaking News", why can't I? (although for the record, this news happens to be 100% true).

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   -- 33 comments ]

"Perez & Janice!"  (view)

So you're actually happy to be interviewing a crazy, washed up, no-talent hack? Sorry, that was actually pretty insulting. I apologize to all the crazy, washed up, no-talent hacks out there. I didn't mean to insinuate that you're down on Janice's level. You deserve better.

Perez, I love how one day you adore Janice Dickinson, and the next day you hate her and warn everyone not to get within 5 feet of her.

Flip, flop, flip, flop.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   -- 2 comments ]

"Jumping Ship"  (view)

And more importantly, who gives a shit?! Isn't your site supposed to be gossip? Umm, yeah, this isn't gossip, it's fact.

A celebrity agent quit their job, STOP THE PRESSES!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   -- 2 comments ]

Stupid words that Perez thinks are cool  

Below is a list of all the stupid words that Perez has made up over time (although he likes to call them "Perezisms", which is, of course, on the list itself).

Leave a comment and add your own stupid Perez word, I'll even give you credit for being the first to mention it! I haven't been on his site long so I'm sure there are TONS that I've never even seen.

"Alien Cruise" - Suri Cruise  (06/23/06, *tara)
"anorexass" - anorexic ass?!  (06/19/06, spygirl658)
"Asslee" - Ashlee Simpson  (06/14/06, nunya)
"Baby Zahara" - Nicole Richie  (06/17/06, spygirl658)
"Big Gay Al" - Al Reynolds  (06/14/06, anonymous)
"brazilliant" - brilliant  (06/17/06, spygirl658)
"Canadialand" - Canada  (06/22/06)
"Drunkst" - Kirsten Dunst  (06/13/06, anonymous)
"Eva LongHOria" - Eva Longoria  (06/14/06)
"Fagulosity" - gayness?  (06/19/06, spygirl658)
"Feminem" - Eminem  (06/17/06, spygirl658)
"Gayken" - Clay Aiken  (06/16/06)
"geniusity" - a genius  (06/15/06, spygirl658)
"GyllenHO" - Jake Gyllenhaal  (06/15/06,
"Gossip Gangstar" - Perez Hilton  (06/15/06)
"Hohan" - Lindsay Lohan  (06/13/06, anonymous)
"Jimenny" - Jim Carrey/Jenny McCarthy  (06/18/06)
"K-Fag" - Kevin Federline  (06/14/06, anonymous)
"La Lohan" - Lindsay Lohan  (06/14/06, anonymous)
"LockQueer" - Heather Locklear/David Spade  (06/17/06, spygirl658)
"Maniston" - Jennifer Aniston  (06/12/06)
"Mooriah" - Mariah Carey  (06/17/06, spygirl658)
"Peppered" - cool  (06/12/06)
"Pepperez" - Perez Hilton  (06/19/06, spygirl658)
"Perezism" - stupid words Perez made up  (06/15/06, spygirl658)
"Perezito" - Perez Hilton  (06/14/06)
"Perezzle" - Perez Hilton  (06/14/06)
"politik" - politics  (06/25/06, anonymous)
"Princess Frostylocks" - Lance Bass  (06/13/06)
"Richie Rich" - Denise Richards/Richie Sambora  (06/24/06, anonymous)
"Small Fry" - Britney & Kevin's unborn child  (06/17/06, spygirl658)
"shiteous" - shitty  (06/15/06, anonymous)
"SJPeePee" - Sarah Jessica Parker  (06/12/06)
"Sluttyienna" - Sienna Miller  (06/19/06, Samantha)
"Sperminated" - pregnant  (06/12/06)
"Starzilla" - Star Jones  (06/13/06, anonymous)
"Tater Tot" - Sean Preston Federline  (06/17/06, spygirl658)
"Televizzle" - television  (06/20/06)
"The Federjerk" - Kevin Federline  (06/17/06, spygirl658)
"The First Reich" - Reichen Lehmkuhl  (06/16/06, anonymous)
"The Pivert" - Jeremy Piven  (06/17/06, spygirl658)
"whoreanus" - ?!?! Perez, you're an idiot.  (06/17/06, Tonya)
"zportz" - sports  (06/22/06)

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   -- 60 comments ]

"Jake & Ryan Celebrate Gay Pride Weekend"  (view)

"They didn't make it to the parade, but the GyllenHO and Reese's far less famous - buy way hot - husband fagged it up on the track in Los Angeles over the weekend."

Why are you so determined to have everyone in the world come out of the closet Perez? They're standing there with their arms crossed looking off into the distance. WOW! They must be gay! After all, only homosexuals cross their arms. And the "I'll take it from behind" quote on the pic is an especially nice touch.

Just because you like cock in the ass Perez, doesn't mean everyone else does (no matter how much you'd like to sleep with them).

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   -- 8 comments ]

"Britney & K-Fag: Together In Public!"  (view)

For someone who's openly and proudly gay, Perez sure uses the term "Fag" a lot. Keep up the derogatory remarks Perez, I'm sure all the other gay people out there just love you for it!

Although he also loves to call people fat, so I guess it shouldn't surprise me.

Pot, meet Kettle.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   -- 5 comments ]

"If Uncle Jesse and Danny Tanner..."  (view)

This is a great example of Perez making things sound better than they are.

His post says, "If Uncle Jesse and Danny Tanner... Got into a cock fight, who would win???", but of course you go to the site and it's some cheesy flash movie of the full house cast that when you mouse over their pictures it says some lame thing about them (except for Saget's, that was one of the funnier moments in the movie 'Half Baked').

Why does Perez constantly try to pass boring crap off as interesting? That's right, because to him this is interesting. It's actually quite sad.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   -- 1 comments ]

"The Kathy Griffin Sex Tape: Exclusively On PerezHilton.com!!!"  (view)

You know Perez has no sense of humour when...

This should be titled, "Yet another sad attempt at being a comedian" by Kathy Griffin.

The only cool thing Kathy Griffin has ever done was appearing on Family Guy, which was only funny by association (and the only reason she was on the show in the first place was to be mocked as Peter's annoying "famous" cousin that doesn't shut up, as she shares the same last name with the characters).

If I recall correctly (and I do), they tried to drug her on the show because she wouldn't shut her yap. If only someone would do that to her in real life, now that'd be sweet!

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   -- 9 comments ]

"Stars Are Blind, The Video"  (view)

Who says you need talent to have a career in the music industry? This proves without a shadow of a doubt that you don't.

Yet another shameless plug for Parisite by Perez.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   -- 6 comments ]

"Asslee Simpson's Coke Boogers, For Sale On Ebay!"  (view)

Do I really have to comment on the headline and the editted pics? Just more of Perez leading people to believe there's a story when there really isn't.

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   -- 1 comments ]


This site was setup to mock the day-to-day bullshit that goes on at PerezHilton.com. It was started on June 12th, 2006, as a complete joke.

I was looking through the comments on his site and I realized that the majority of them seemed to be people bitching about Perez, not the articles themselves. So for fun (and to learn a little bit about how blogger.com works), I decided to take a few minutes and setup a temporary blog, and then I posted the URL in the comments section of a few articles on his site.

I figured this site would be up for a couple hours, or at most a day. I thought a few of the people that dislike Perez would click over and take a look, have a laugh, and that would be it. However, every time I've said that I'm going to shut the site down because it was a joke and I don't want to spend that much time on it, I've received complaints! It's at this point that I realized just how many people dislike the guy. So, this site has been kept up as a place for them to vent their frustrations about Perez and his site.

Perez thinks he's cool because he sometimes gets dirt on celebrities (although a lot of the time it's just made up bullshit, totally biased, or completely wrong), and also because he knows Paris Hilton. Yeah, because that's something you want to brag about.

Perez just tries way too hard, and he flip flops on so many things. One day he loves someone, the next day he hates them. I guess it all depends on what Paris tells him to think on that day. As of late his site has turned into a self-promotional machine, and it's becoming more ridiculous every day.

Perez has also gotten into the habit of "forgetting" to post gossip about his "friends"... unless it shows them in a positive light, that is. But seriously, how many times do we need to see "exclusive" pictures of him at a party with Paris Hilton? Once was more then enough, thanks.

Here's a picture of the lameass himself! (I'm glad someone else took the time to photoshop his real name on this pic so I didn't have to).

     [ by PoorAss Hilton, 6/12/2006   -- 12 comments ]